Life's not fair....

I wanted to move. I just wanted to be closer to my church. I decluttered my house, rented a storage unit for the junk and put my house on the market. Nothing. It's not gonna happen. Not now. The Knight and I both know the Lord has a reason for keeping us here. We are happy and at peace.

I made plans. It was going to be a worthwhile activity. It was going to be fun. I had already invited all my friends. But the Lord spoke to me very clearly and told me I had better things to do with my time. So I'm backing out. Sorry to disappoint. I feel somewhat relieved.

I'm finding out more and more everyday that life isn't about me. My wants are not necessarily what I need. My timetable does not matter. If things aren't turning out the way I want, there is a good reason. I've paced the floor, racked my brain and lost sleep. Even though time and energy is lost, hopes and dreams are postponed, doors are closed and prayers seem unanswered- God is still in control. He has answered my prayers. I got one "Not now. Maybe later" and one "No."

I get the feeling that something is in the works. Maybe a lesson in how to be satisfied with less, or maybe blooming where you are planted. And when I consult His word I get advice like- seek ye first the kingdom of God, or my ways are not your ways, or I know the plans I have for you, or fix your eyes on Jesus, or come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden.

So even when my plans aren't working out right, or when the economy is slow, or I want to join in something that could be a lot of fun -I must seek God first, I must realize that my ideas are not His ideas, that He has the plan for me that is good. I'm reminded again that I must look to Him as the author of my life and rest in the fact that life isn't fair, but God is good.

Fun in the Florida sun

We just got back home tonight after a spring break trip to visit my mom in Jacksonville. It was a fantastic time jam packed with fun-a day at the beach, a swim in my brother's pool, my nephew Chris' baseball game, a movie, some shopping and good food. I enjoyed catching up with Mom since we haven't been together since Christmas so I just enjoyed visiting with her. She is doing great, looks good and still has so much patience with the kids. They love being with their MiMi because she takes time to really listen and play with them. She always spoils us too with special desserts and yummy breakfasts. Jacksonville has changes SO much since I lived there. I have a hard time navigating the roads now and new shopping centers have grown up everywhere. I am amazed at how much traffic there is everywhere now compared to when I was growing up.

This is a picture of the sun setting behind my mom's house on the St.John's River. It was just beautiful!

What if...

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. Our whole weekend was packed with fun. It started out Friday with a fun trip to Gattitown with friends. Then that evening we dyed eggs and had an egg hunt with our neighbors. Saturday was our church Easter egg hunt. Saturday night we had Easter drama practice and then a get together with our middle school class at Jake's house. We had to get up Sunday morning at six to get to church in time for the drama and the pancake breakfast. Whew! By this time I was exhausted and ended up taking a two hour nap Saunday afternoon, which I never do.

Even with all the weekend's activities I tried to take time to really reflect on the good news of Easter. I tried to imagine what my life would be like had I not ever been introduced to Jesus. What if I had not been brought up in church hearing Bible stories all my life? What if my mom and dad had not been good Christian role models for me? What if I had not gotten back into church after my rebellious years at Clemson? What if that tomb had not been empty? What if, like some believe, Jesus had not come back from the dead?What if,like some believe, I had to work my way to Heaven? Oh, there are so many "what ifs" to consider. So I'll just stop here and say that I am some very thankful that I serve a risen savior. I don't have to be good enough to be there in Heaven someday. I don't have to do a certain number of things to make it in. All I had to do was accept the free gift He had to offer. The gift of forgiveness. The gift of love. The gift of salvation. For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16.

Hello friends! I know my blog is dwindling and I'm not even sure I'll be able to keep it up much longer. It seems that life has calmed down this year and my everyday activities are not so interesting to write about. I will probably continue on when I can with my focus being on God's work in our lives. I am sure I'll want to use it to keep up with the happenings in the lives of my children as well.
I've been super busy getting stuff ready for a girls-only lock-in at church tomorrow night. It is gonna be a rockin good time and I am really looking forward to it. Ask me again on Saturday and I may have a very different reply, but I love spending time with my church friends and this is sure to be memorable. We are having three different speakers, some songs, crafts, games, and then a movie and benadryl (just kidding). The theme is Jump for J.O.Y.-Jesus first then others before you. The idea is to build bonds between our Mile Creek girls and foster good Christian friendships and mentors.
The Little Man has finished up swimming lessons at the Y. He will be all ready for the pool this summer and maybe he'll start out with lots of confidence from the get-go. I took him by Sonic for a shake after class tonight and he said "This is so great Mom. I want to tell you I love you and go home and make you a card."
The girls are out of school tomorrow so they are still up watching a movie. They started a new drama camp with Christian Youth Theater in Anderson. So far they have really enjoyed it so we'll see what kind of budding actresses they will be. You know they have their uncle Scott who has the acting gene so they should have some natural ability! I mean other than the daily drama we see around here everyday.
I am praising the Lord for his goodness to our family and for always being faithful to us. I am so often overwhelmed by the busyness of life that I don't adequately thank him.
I am sure you feel the same way.

A black cloud day

It seems like so much sadness and sickness is hanging overhead right now. My aunt Carolyn passed away yesterday. She had been battling several different things and had not been well for awhile, but it still seems like the end came too quickly. It certainly brings back memories of losing Dad as I think about what my Uncle and cousins are going through right now. Aunt Carolyn was an avid reader of my blog and loved to forward inspirational or funny emails. She always remembered everyones birthday and sent cards to the kids. She loved her grandchildren and kept them as much as she could. She was the church organist for many years and loved fresh vegetables from the garden. I know she is in Heaven today and is enjoying renewed health and a brand new body. This is only goodbye for now.....

Just thinkin' bout Pop

I woke up this morning thinking about the last conversation I had with Dad. I only had a minute to tell him what a good daddy he had been, how much I loved him, and that I'd see him again in Heaven. Losing him has been by far the most difficult thing I've ever had to face. I miss him so much. Many times over the past year I have longed to talk to him, to get his advice or hear him laugh about the funny things the kids had said. Oftentimes he'd call to check on me in the afternoon, probably as a way to keep himself from falling asleep at his desk. I loved starting an argument with him just to have a good debate and I loved it when he was wrong about something. It's okay to say that because he loved to prove me wrong too. He had become more health conscious about his eating and had a routine of drinking a health shake in the morning, a sandwich from the convenience store for lunch and then a gigantic salad for dinner. The only snack he'd eat would be oranges and bananas. He enjoyed working, investing in the stock market, teaching the Bible, playing golf, watching the Fox News channel, sitting on the porch, and reading the paper. He could tell a great story, had a big heart, and prayed eloquently. He had an intense desire to provide for his family and a strong work ethic. He enjoyed going on trips with mom and got a thrill out of their trip to Africa. If he sensed that someone had a desire to improve their condition, he was more than willing to help. He always told us to get a good education and to take care of our teeth. He loved living on the river and liked to sit and watch a storm come in on the water. He had a way with people- developed over many years of visiting service stations and convenience stores. He knew nothing about the kitchen and once cooked a hot dog in the microwave for four minutes. He covered his bald head with a comb-over for years and would always have it shaded from the sun in a hat. He snored terribly and kept me lying awake many times in a hotel room thinking to myself "Never again!" He just gave off an air of authority and respect, yet was down to earth and easy to talk to. He played basketball in high school and graduated from the University of Arkansas. He loved his baby girl and she loved him back. My heart is sad today, but I am very sure Pop enjoyed his first year in Heaven.

Hello March!

So the Fern5 is doing the pink eye thing--three down and two to go. Hope we have enough drops for all of us. I am so bummed about the prospect of snow. We went to the mall this past weekend as part of Zoey's 7th birthday celebration and to get her ears pierced. They had out all their shorts and bathing suits and I thought "If I buy some of this will the weather warm up?" Maybe it won't snow, but I do remember that we had snow this time last year. So, we'll just have to wait and see.

So many people we know have sinus junk or viruses of some sort. It seems like we haven't been able to follow through with many of our plans lately because someone isn't feeling feeling well. When the weather warms up I'm going to lunch with all my friends and having everyone I know over for a cookout. That sounds great, huh?

I've been thinking a lot about trusting God and what that really means. I think most of us would say that we trust Him, but then what are we really trusting Him for? The Knight and I are praying about something that will really be taking a big step of faith and trusting God. Will you say a prayer right now that God will give us wisdom concerning this?

Mom is still in Arkansas but is planning to return to Jacksonville the 9th. Can you believe the 5th will be one year since Dad died? We were talking the other day about the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness depends on your circumstances. Real joy is only possible through obedience to Christ. I hate to think that some people do not know what it is to have real joy. Even though there ahve been times of sickness and sadness this past year, we can still say we had joy. And for that I am so very thankful...

Love to laugh

You don't really know your kid until you eat lunch with them at school. Allison forgot her science project at home Friday so I took it to her school at lunchtime. I decided to sit with her and visit since I haven't done that at all this year. Shame, I know. So the first thing I noticed was that she was drinking milk. Chocloate milk, but MILK. She hasn't had milk at home since she was two. The second thing I noticed was that she was eating peaches. I could not pay her to eat peaches at home. The third thing I noticed was that she is just like me. She loves to make her friends laugh. Her cute little friends all told me about the funny things she does like make grape kabobs with her straw and how she flung a piece of cake across the lunchroom "accidentally" and it landed in someones hair. Oh they just went on and on all the while Allison was just beaming with pride.

Lots of peole say she is my "mini me" even though I rarely realize it. She loves school supplies and even cried a little tonight because she wanted to run by Staples and get some tabs to organize her notebook. I found some Vera Bradley pencil cases marked half-price so I bought her one for making a good grade on her PASS word test finally. You should have seen how happy that made her. She loves crafts and enjoys helping me with whatever project I'm working on. She's taking gymnastics and piano, the two things I was doing at that age.

But seeing her at that lunch table enjoying her success at making people laugh was a revalation for me. It brought me back to late elementary school when I was a blossoming poet. I loved to take whatever topic we were studying and whatever writing assignment we had and turn it into a poem of sorts.
I even wrote a poem to nominate my teacher for an award. "She's my teacher, she's my friend. She's the best there's ever been. Her caring, sharing and her love, goes out, around and above."

Then there was the one I wrote about letting my pet turtle "Tot" go back into the creek from whence he came. "Letting my turtle go was really hard for me. Watching him swim into the wild and wonderous sea." Yes, I can remember that from fifth grade, but don't ask me anything about high school, because I don't remember it much at all. Strange, isn't it? I sometimes wonder if chemo wiped those memories out. Anyway, I have always loved to write and I love to make people laugh.

My friend Trina was the friend I remember laughing with the most in school. We had nicknames for each other and talked in funny voices that just really cracked us up. And Hill was my friend who made me laugh like crazy on the bus. Then there was Louie who made me laugh in college. We'd hang out on the bench at his house and act out funny lines from movies and sing very loudly. Then there was my friend Carmen who made me laugh through the later years of college. She took me to my chemo treatments and we would laugh until we were in tears. While all the other "Big C" patients looked on and wondered what could possibly be so funny at the Cancer Center of the Carolinas, we were having a great time.

Now I guess the person I laugh with the most would be my brother Mike. He calls me routinely while he's walking the dog and I'm waiting in the car line to pick up the Little Man. We've laughed a lot over the years, but most recently our laughter has become like therapy. Stress has been a theme for us this past year and laughter as you know helps alleviate that. He was the one who took Dad to his doctor appointments and then radiation and watched him grow weaker each day. He took it pretty hard when I was diagnosed with cancer, but then his wife was diagnosed the same year and went through a mastectomy as well. So now we make jokes about our overweight dogs and current events. We laugh a lot about Obama and our Mama. Other than the Knight I guess he's the one person who knows exactly what I will find funny and he'll even make a note to himself to tell me about something funny that he heard or saw. It's almost like we can take our history and our heartaches and wrap them together and make each other laugh like nobody else can. He "gets me" and I appreciate that. Laughter really is good medicine.

All is well with the Fern5. I had some catching up to do this week after being sick a few days last week. I am still so behind on laundry I considered loading it all in the van and taking it to the laundry mat and doing it all at the same time. It's to the point now where I have piles all over the place because the hamper is too full. I don't know where the times goes. That's such a cliche I know, but it's true. My daily routine looks like this-(Not that you're interested, I'm just validating my lack of housekeeping here people, so humor me.) Get the girls up, ready and out the door by 7:30. Home, shower, breakfast and out the door with the Little Man by 8:45. Run errands or Bible Study or home to put away groceries and then pick up Little Man by 12. Lunch, read books, play, try to get LM to take nap. Pick up girls at bus stop at 2:50. Try to the LM to take a nap. Homework, play, cook supper. Bath, books, bed. Then I'm on the phone, computer, or watching tv or doing my Bible study until bed time. See what I mean. Did you see any time in there for laundry? No, me neither.

We are thrilled that the weather has gotten warmer. Went for a bike ride today and it was so nice outside. The Little Man complained the whole time because he wanted to be at home playing in the sandbox. Yesterday I walked Woody and he drove his Arctic Cat to the bus stop. The girls were happy to see him and they loaded their backpacks into the trunk and made him take them home. They skipped and sang and soaked up the sun and he cried the whole way. See why I try to get him to nap?

So David is living with the consequences of his sin and I am so sad. I'm sad for his family who had to suffer and I'm sad that a good man was brought down hard by sin. I'm sad that a man after God's own heart made some bad choices that changed not only his life, but his entire family's life forever. Godly people do unGodly things every day. No one is immune. I had a friend who made some poor choices and most people who knew her just got mad and stopped being her friend. I never understood that. I know I'm vulnerable to the devils tricks because he tries them on me everyday. Discouragement is his number one tactic with me. I hear "Why do you even try?" and "What makes you think YOU are capable of this?" "There's really no point in what you are doing so why not let someone else who is smarter/thinner/better/holier/neater/nicer/etc. do it?" He stands outside my door everyday disguising his voice to try and get me to let him in. So the days when I haven't been praying and reading my Bible or maybe even when I'm just tired and frustrated, I may just fall for it and open up the door just a bit and peek out. As soon as I do it's like he jams his foot inside and forces himself in. Then we usually go at it for the rest of the day. Fern vs. Satan. Check it out on youtube. And before you know it I'm talking ugly to my children, being a grouch to the Knight, gossiping on the phone, and feeling like a fat failure. So I have learned that I can't even allow myself to listen. My mind has to be on God's word. I must stay focused on the One who saved me from my sin and set my feet on higher ground. I have to call on His name a thousand times a day. My eyes have to look upward. Because I'm David. And so are you. God chose me and anointed me, not to be king over all Israel someday, but to be a light in my community and a Godly mother and a wife and a Middle School Sunday School teacher. I'm vulnerable to sin, not because I'm hanging out like a peeping tom on some rooftop, but because I'm a woman after God's own heart and the devil hates me. And if you love God he hates you too. So be ready my friend. Don't even open the door.

Valentines

I just finished up doing valentines for Zoey and the Little Man. He of course is too little to do his own and Zoey, well, it just hurt her hand too much to write out all those names. I think eating some of that candy may cause me to have a relapse of the stomach bug I've had this week. I have zero will power when it comes to candy. Zero. But this girl doesn't need any so if you were planning to shower me with chocolates this year, Hon, don't do it please. You could take me out to Capri's for some toasted ravioli, though.

Anyway, just wanted to update you on David. I just love that guy. He was the apple of God's eye and worked so hard to please him and then WHAM. One afternoon he let himself give into lust and then he just spiraled downward just like something you'd see in a soap opera. I guess it's because of David that I try not to be too hard on people who make mistakes. Murderers aside. But I can see that people can get themselves in a fix and then wind up making everything worse when they try to hide what they've done. I am so glad God doesn't give up on us though and He forgives us and allows us to start over. David is a perfect example God's mercy. He did have to suffer the painful consequences of his mistakes, but God continued to love him. The best thing to do is to always be where you are supposed to be with God, walking closely, maintaining a relationship with him through prayer and His word. Otherwise, you could find yourself in a soap opera too.

As I mentioned earlier, the stomach bug visited here this week so things got a little off course when the Mama Bear was out. Last weekend we had a great time snowtubing with our middle school kids from church. It was SO cold though and although my boots were very cute, they did not keep my feet warm whatsoever. Not a good trade off there I must say. Those kids were so well-behaved and so fun to be with and even this old woman went down the hill a few times.

Lots more to write about but I must go. Hope all is well with you!

February 3rd

February 3rd. February 3rd. February 3rd. A day that will forever be ingrained in my memory. I cannot let this day go by without taking time to remember where I was one year ago. Time has passed so quickly even though some days were the longest of my life. I spent the majority of this past year recovering from some sort of surgery and I still stick by my excuse that three times under anesthesia in one year depleted far too many of my brain cells. I had body parts removed and organs extracted. I was expanded and implanted. I was reconstructed and even flattened. What a year!

On this same day one year ago, doctors at the Mayo Clinic confirmed that my dad did indeed have inoperable lung cancer. I am still unsure why these two things happened on the same day. I remember writing in my blog back then that the day the doctors took my cancer away was the day the doctors discovered cancer in Dad. That just never has set well with me. Was that some sort of exchange? A bargain? I just can't let myself even go there. Oh Pop, I miss you so.

So as I look back and recount the events of February 3rd, 2009, I can say that "in God I trust." I believe now more than ever that He knows what is best and that he can not only turn bad things around and use them for His glory, but He can mend broken hearts and heal diseased bodies. He, and only He, decides who lives and who dies. I feel blessed today that God has given me more life here on Earth as well as a promise of life with Him for eternity. I feel blessed that my Dad had a wonderful life here on Earth and is now getting to spend forever in Heaven with our Heavenly Father. And one day, perhaps not too many years from now, I'm going to get to see them both. Perhaps it'll be on a February 3rd.

Why Me?

David. I love to study David. You know God called him a man after his own heart. I wonder if God sees me as a woman who is after his own heart? I'm certainly no where near the same level as David in any manner of speaking, but I do want to know God's will for my life and I do want to please him. That's what has been on my heart these last few days. The first time I was diagnosed with cancer I cried out to God "Why me? Why do I have to go through this? What did I do to deserve this terrible punishment of radiation and chemotherapy?" This time I cried out the same thing"Why me Lord?" But this time I was thinking in terms of "Why did you see me as worthy of this calling? Who am I to be your representative of your grace and your mercy? Can I really do what I know you are needing me to do?"

In my Bible study this week the verse that spoke to me was when David cried out, "Who am I, O Lord God? and what is my house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?" (IISam.7:18) I feel this same way. Who am I and who is my family that you would see fit to bring us this far? I am nobody. My family is so undeserving. We don't have any royalty in our lineage. We have no reality show. Yet you chose me, handpicked me to be your child. You brought me and my family through sickness, death, heartache, disappointment and pulled us out of the pit over and over again. I ignored you as a teenager, abandoned you when I left for college, denied you in front of a friend, blamed you for my sickness. Yet you patiently waited for me. Your Holy Spirit never stopped tugging on my heart. You never gave up on me. You had the plan. You knew what it would take to get me back in your will. You brought me to a little church in Six Mile. You found me a mate to support me. You blessed my life with children. You healed me once a gain. You brought me THIS FAR! Why me?

Lord, please help me to do what you have called me to do. Only through you can I be what you have called me to be. Thank you for choosing me and bringing me this far. Thank you for being all I need and for never giving up. Amen

Snow tubing has been postponed due to the weather. I have been on pins and needles trying to decide if we should take our awesome middle school class to Scaly Mountain today for a fun day of tubing, but early this morning we decided not to go. The middle schoolers are disappointed and so are we. Our kids were so hyped up they could not sleep last night. So here we are with a free Saturday and I am considering staying in my pajamas. It looks like I'll have to do laundry all day to keep up with the kids playing outside in the little bit of snow we got.

So maybe I'll use this free day to catch up on my blogging.

The Little Man has managed to keep foreign objects out of his ears this week. But this is what I saw when I went in my bathroom one afternoon this week! Isn't that nice? I left it for the Knight to take care of when he got home.

It's a good thing I had bought the 30 big rolls earlier!

You know how I love crafts. My friend Andrea made the cutest thing for me and I wanted to share it with you. I think she is so creative and I would love to just spend a week with her sharing ideas, shopping, and making cool stuff.

She took an old window and made it into a work of art where we can write messages, put prayer requests and hang stuff. I LOVE it and I am waiting for the Knight to hang it on the wall across from our cubbies.

This the Fern5 in case you haven't seen us in awhile!

Charleston

The Knight and I are absolutely enjoying our time away with nothing planned and no time schedule. Nana and Poppy are staying with the munchkins so that we can have a little much-needed time to ourselves. It's been a long time since we went out of town without children so it takes a minute to get used to. I think the last time may have been when we went to St. Augustine to celebrate our 10th anniversary-which was before the Little Man was even born. We had to drive in the rain yesterday but even that was peaceful.

Last night we ate Hyman's seafood which is Southern Living Magazine's pick for best seafood restaurant in the southeast. I had the #2 customer favorite - two grit cakes topped with shrimp in a garlic Alfredo sauce. It was so fabulous could have licked my plate. The Knight went with a safe choice of the fried shrimp and he was very pleased as well. We are staying at the King Charles Inn which is in the middle of town and only a few doors down from Hymans.

We slept until 9:00(!!!!) this morning and went for a drive around town to get acclimated. Then we spent the better part of the day walking the streets and shopping. I keep telling him how much fun I am having. I am so happy just to be with him and enjoy this beautiful city. We are having a local artisan design a sign for us with our name on it so I will be sure to post a picture here soon. I love to look in the art galleries and wander the alleyways and of course my all-time favorite thing-people watch. We ended up in the middle of the College of Charleston campus(if there is such a thing. I'm confused about that school, aren't you?)earlier today and I got a kick out of watching all the students on their way to class. Two observations I made-nobody was smoking (yay!) and boots are very fashionable. Oh and if you have on a short ruffly skirt and are wearing a backpack, it can be very dangerous AND drafty.

So now we are back in our lovely room lying around resting. Pete's been on Craig's list looking up parts for the Wagoneer and I have been downloading pictures and checking email. I can hear him over there snoring a little now and I can't help but think how blessed I am. I love being with my children of course, but it IS nice to get away once in awhile, get reaquainted, remember what silence is like, take a nap, and go to the restroom alone. So far 2010 has been wonderful!

I'm the "Lucky" one

I know you can't see it in this picture or anything, but this little man has me wrapped around his finger. I'm sure it's because he's my baby and not because he's so funny or cute or sweet, but he pretty much gets whatever his little heart desires. I prayed for a boy and that is exactly.what. I.got. He never ceases to amaze me with his witty and matter-of-fact replies, his sensitivity, his energy and confidence. I think his fascination with pantyhose and newly polished fingernails points to, not a feminine side, but a true appreciation for details. I think that his desire to play monster trucks followed by baby dolls is not a split personality, but proof of a well rounded individual. I think his ability to con me into buying him some sort of toy everytime we enter Wal-mart is not greed, but the perfect example of the power of persuasion. I think the fact that he comes to our bed everynight is not a sign of insecurity, but a desire to protect the ones he loves. I think the Lucky Charms incident was not a childish prank, but rather, a, uh, mmm, ahh...Okay, I'm not sure what that was all about, but I think it was his way to contribute to the drama of our life, to amuse those who know him, for the ER staff to expand their expertise and for his mommy to write about on her blog.

An update on "Lucky"

So I dragged all my children to see the ENT today only to find out that "Lucky's" charm had already fallen out. Thankfully no damamge was done to his ear drum and we all had a funny story to tell. I warned him this morning by shaking and pointing to the cereal box that he'd better not put any more purple horseshoes in his ear. To that he replied, "What about that yellow moon?" I don't know about that boy sometimes.

We'll call him "Lucky"

The kids are all still under the weather today with various ailments so we stayed home from church. I know it's gonna be a rough week when I don't get to worship at church Sunday. The Little Man was STILL in his pajamas this afternoon when I decided to check his ears. I could see something purple in one of them so the Knight and I investigated further.
Finally I said "Anders, did you put a Lucky Charm in your ear?" He had them for breakfast Thursday I think.
He simply said, "Yes."
After trying to get it out with various tools, I called Suzie, who works for our pediatricians, and asked her opinion. She made a call and the recommendation was to take him to the ER. So to make a long story short, he had three marshmellows(all purple) in his ears. They were able to get two out of one ear, but the third was wedged due to swelling. So tomorrow we go to the ENT to get that taken care of!
Can you believe it?

Sick kids, dust bunnies, a hungry dog and an owl

The kids are all not feeling well today. I think Anders has the croup and the girls are feverish and achy. So they just laid around all day watching tv and napping some. The Little Man didn't lie around , of course, but he has had a low grade fever and a real barking cough. He's been in his pajamas all day and when I suggested a bath and pjs he said he already had them on.

The Knight and I spent the day cleaning out our bedroom, and our closet. He is a great "vacuumer". He prefers to pull the furniture out and use the various attachments whereas I prefer to just ram the furniture and go back and forth over the same piece of string forty eleven times. I probably have 5 bags to give away and 5 bags of trash. Cleaning out under my bathroom sink was a chore and going through the expired medicine was interesting. We managed to stir up so much dust we had to open the windows for a little while to get some fresh air in the room and in our lungs.

I am overwhelmed with the kids art projects and school momentos. I bought plastic containers for each child to keep it all in and the girls' are already full. The third child though has nothing in his box but an adorable owl made out of a brown paper sack. I've really gotten slack about saving stuff or perhaps I'm just a harsher art critic these days. I just had a vision of the girls renting a u-haul to carry 12 years of their best art projects and special papers and then the Little Man putting his plastic box under his arm that contains one owl from 3-K. It really is a great owl. Quality, not quantity is what I'll just tell him.

Woody went to be groomed today and came home looking and smelling great and like he lost 10 pounds. He is hungry all the time now since he's been on a diet and he has learned to step on the trash can to get the lid to pop up. One morning last week I was hoping to get the girls out the door for school a little earlier so I fixed their breakfast first thing. Zoey ate her waffle while Allison was still running around getting her stuff together. By the time she got to the table to eat her 5 mini pancakes, it was too late. Woody had already cruised by the table and I imagine with one slight turn of the head slurped up those little things and kept on walking. It's so funny how when he scores a snack, maybe something that the kids have left out, he gently gets it in his mouth and ever so slowly exits the room to devour it in private. It cracks me up everytime I see him do that. Sometimes I'll call out his name and he'll pause a moment without looking at me and then continue on his way.

I hope this post made you smile a little on this rainy, dreary day. God bless you as you sneeze from all our dust.

H-A-P-P-Y

For the first time in a long time, I feel happy. I mean really, truly, happy. There have been two times in the last few days that I just had a moment when I thought to myself "I 'm happy." It's like I feel relieved, like I've overcome an obstacle, or achieved something, sort of. I feel like my grief has eased somewhat and that constant squeeze I've felt on my heart is not so tight. My memories of dad are more likely to bring a smile than a tear.

It's been a great week. I spent time with several of my friends catching up and celebrating my birthday. We had an exciting salad with aunt Sue and Uncle Gaige as they were passing through. I started a new Bible study with the middle school kids at church and the ladies at Rock Springs Baptist. I had a day to myself to go shopping, made lots of coffee with my new Keurig, and got my hair cut. We are back into our routine and I seem to be getting over my soreness even though my energy level still seems to be lacking. The Knight and I are planning a get-away to Charleston next weekend so I am looking forward to that.

The house is still a wreck, the kids are still fighting, I still need to lose weight and the Christmas tree is still on the back porch. But it is well, it is well, with my soul.

Christmas Letter

I really wanted to write a Christmas letter this year, but I just never did. Instead I sent a light-hearted picture of my children with my Christmas wishes. Mom wrote a letter though and it really touched a lot of people. I'm sure some don't understand how it is humanly possible to survive a year like we had. A lot of people cannot comprehend how someone can find God's blessings when heartache seems to be the theme. The only way it is possible is through Christ. All things are possible with Him. All obstacles can be overcome through Him. I am posting, with Mom's permission of course, a copy of her letter. It's amazing.


Merry Christmas from Florida, Arkansas and South Carolina,(That is where I’ve spent my time in 2009!)
Last night at Lisa’s church as the youth choir was singing “God Has Been So Good, I Have Been Blessed” the Holy Spirit convicted me for thinking that 2009 had been the worst year of my life. He reminded me that I had truly been blessed this year in spite of all the trials and tribulations. When I lost the love of my life, God showed me how very much he loved me through my children, my church family, the company he worked for, and all my friends and family. He even sent me a new friend to encourage me and pray for me.
God reminded me of how He has blessed and grown Lisa’s family this year as she battled breast cancer. And I learned that I had to trust Him to work that all out. Now she is cancer-free.
While I was visiting my family in Arkansas, Mom fell and broke her hip. My visit became extended from August through the end of October. God helped me realize then I was needed there and to be content in whatever state I’m in. Thankfully, Mom is doing well now and I am planning to return in January.
Cancer struck our family again in August when we learned my daughter-in-law Suzy had been diagnosed with breast cancer. As much as I wanted to be back home to support her and Mike, God assured me my place was there with Mom. Thankfully, Suzy is doing well and is cancer-free.
When Lisa decided to have reconstructive surgery, God showed me that I was to spend the month of December in South Carolina helping with the children as she recovered. I am here now and experiencing the joys of the Christmas season with my grandchildren.
So even though 2009 has brought death, sickness, and heartache, I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God, his enduring love and the abundance of his blessings. He has been a comfort in my darkest hour, my strength when I could not stand, and my guide when I could not find my way. But above all, He is the hope of a life eternal.
My prayer is that God will be as real to you this season as He has been to me all throughout this year!
In Christ’s Love,Virginia

Heartburn

With each of my pregnancies, heartburn was my biggest complaint. No matter what I ate, everyday I had a miserale boiling sensation in my chest. Over the holidays I was reading a daily devotion that included a verse about a different kind of heart burn-"And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?" Luke 24:32 Jesus had risen from the dead and appeared to them and they didn't recognize him at first. But they knew that being in the presence of this person caused an unusual sensation in their chest.

That is my resolution for 2010. I want my heart to burn within me for my Lord. Period.

Who IS that?

You know how you listen to yourself on the answering machine and hardly recognize your voice? I am always amazed when I hear the message on my cell phone too. I think to myself "Do I really sound like that?" I sound so country when I hear it. Well, for me, it's the same way with pictures of myself. I am usually the one behind the camera so luckily I have few pictures of myself to critique. This picture of me and my mom had me asking the Knight "Do I really look like that?"

For whatever reason I've always been insane about pictures of anybody. I will study the background, the hair, the outfit, etc. Marty, my college room mate, is the same way. We both LOVE to get Christmas cards from friends with pictures on them so that we can "study" them. My hair went crazy curly after my hysterectomy (or maybe I was in denial all these years), so I am still getting adjusted to this new hairstyle. But I just don't think this picture looks like me. What do YOU think? Was it just a strange camera angle? Am I just disgusted by the double chin? Am I terribly vain for even posting about this? I am not seeking compliments here people, I just want to know if you think this picture looks like ME? I would print a copy to frame, but I'd always be thinking to myself "Who is that woman with my mom?"

A month with Mom

I am missing my mom terribly. She did such a good job taking care of us as I was recovering from my surgery. She got the kids ready for school without yelling, kept up with all the laundry, cooked bacon and eggs for the Knight every morning, cleaned the house and all the other things that go into running a home. She did a fantastic job and I will forever be grateful. But now that all of us are spoiled rotten, its back to reality. *sigh* Thanks Mom! You are the best!

Moms Christmas present to us was a family trip to Universal Studios in Orlando. We wanted to be busy and do something different this year to help us cope with not having Dad. We decided to do something fun for the kids to end the year with a bang. And that we did! Here are a few pictures to share the fun the had.

The Gate

"God of all our years, we stand at the gate of a new year. Help us to enter this year with YOU. You have given us so many new beginnings and fresh starts. Too often we have found ourselves soon trapped in the same sins-impatience, selfishness, timidity, laziness-to name a few. More than our resolutions, we need the strength of your Holy Spirit living within us. With YOU all things are possible, even a truly new heart for the new year. In the name of your Son who makes all things new. Amen"

I love this prayer I found in a church bulletin and I have thought about it so much. I have said over and over, "I am so glad 2009 is coming to an end." And really I am. I am always happy to have a fresh start even when the year did not hold heartache at every turn as did this past year. But I would be neglecful if I did not say that God has been so good to me this year. Being this close to him has been my privledge and it would not have happened if I had not been brought to my knees time and time again. Time and time again, He was always there to carry me through and to keep me going. I wanted to give up. I wanted to be angry, and at times I was. I thought about going to bed and staying there or just wallowing in my grief and I often felt like spewing my self-pity onto others. But I knew in my heart this was a good thing, this was part of the process. 2009 was a year God was refining me. While my heart was ripping, my confidence was obliterated and my head was spinning, He was there polishing, molding, binding...

So now I stand at the gate of a new year and I have a choice. I feel like slamming the door on 2009 and screaming "Good riddance!" But instead I'll just close it with mixed emotions and say "Thank you Lord for a new year. I will enter in with thanksgiving in my heart. I am hopeful for blessings upon blessings in 2010.I am ready for whatever You need me to do. Keep me close."