A Public Service Announcement

To my dear girlfriends,

You know how I told you that my cancer was small (like .o1mm actually), it was contained in the ducts and slow-growing? They found it during my routine mammogram. Because they found it early and because it had not spread I didn't have to have any chemotherapy or radiation. Praise the Lord! Well, I know a lot of you out there are 40 and older but have never had a mammogram and I feel quite sure you don't do self-exams either. So I want to encourage you (beg you) to schedule one right away. One in eight women will now be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their life time. Mammograms are the most reliable method of detecting breast cancer early. Oftentimes if you wait until you can actually feel it, it may have already progressed.

I can hear your excuses now. I don't have time. I can't get a sitter. I keep forgetting to call. It sounds embarrassing/painful/ridiculous. I don't have insurance. Whatever your excuse is, it's not a good one. If you don't have the money, there are funds out there to help women pay for them. Mammograms are uncomfortable but they do not take very long.

It would have been real easy for me to put off having my routine mammogram. But what if I had and it had spread to other parts of my body? I would have had a big battle to fight then. It was an inconvenience for me to find a sitter and to drive all the way to Greenville. But what if it had not been contained and chemotherapy had been necessary? What an inconvenince it would have been for me to go through the treatment and the side effects and all that goes along with chemo. And yes, it is painful to have your breasts smashed between two plates, but let me assure you, a mastectomy is much more painful. And it could be costly to pay for a mammogram out of your own pocket, but I promise it's cheaper than surgery and a hospital stay.

Please take the time to do this for yourself and for the ones you love. As women and moms we often put our health on the list way below our children and family. But if we are sick, we can't be what we need to be for our children and family, right?

Having a yearly mammogram could save your life-it did mine.

Love In Christ,
Alisa

Random Thoughts Thursday

Some random things, some prayer requests, a Bible verse and one funny kid story-

We started scripture memory with our middle school class at church and they are doing pretty well. I've been thinking about the verse we are going to learn this week- Matthew 22:27-28 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. I wonder about that-heart, soul, mind? I want to know exactly what that means because I really want to do it, don't you?

The Little Man had his last day of school Tuesday. He had a wonderful year in two -year-old preschool. We had to stop by the grocery on the way home and he was so tired. He really wanted to hurry home and play in his new sandbox. I heard him cussing under his breath out of frustration. This is what he said. "Poopyhead. Shut up. Spank you on the BUTT. Stupid." All the "ugwee" words he could think of all streamed together. So funny! I'm thinking the next time someone cuts me off in traffic I may stick my head out the window and yell "Hey Poopyhead! Shut Up! I'm gonna spank you on the butt, stupid!"

This is the sixth week of my "Movin' on" oncology rehab exercise program. I have still only lost 2 pounds ( my goal was 20!) but I am getting stronger, building muscle, and hopefully encouraging others.

Many of you have asked about my mom. She is in Arkansas visiting family and enjoying being there. She is doing really well though I think overall. She said it was sad being with Dad's family on Memorial Day-she really missed him not being there. Plus Uncle Arley looks a lot like my dad and I know that makes it hard. I am so thankful for my family there in Arkansas. Pray for her, please.

Please take a minute to pray for LS. She had a miscarriage yesterday and is just heartbroken, of course.

School is winding down for the girls. They have both had good teachers and good experiences in school this year and I am thankful for that. Zoey said she gave her phone number to a boy because he wants to invite her over to his water slide. Wonder what water slide is code for? The Knight made a huge deal teasing her about it. He said, "Wait a minute. You mean you gave him MY phone number!! Some boy better not call here!" She got a kick out of that!

The healthy eating is going pretty well. The kids are doing really well with fruit and eating healthier snacks. Zoey found out she liked salmon and everyone is complaining less. Allison is all into recycling since she studied about it in science. Now we are knee-deep in newspapers and plastic jugs and every time I almost trip over it in the garage I think to myself, "Poopyhead!"

I want to thank you for being my friend, for encouraging me, for sharing in my journey, for loving my children, and for making me laugh. I feel so blessed to have such awesome friends. I truly hope you know my best friend-Jesus. If not, I'd love to introduce you.

Have a GREAT day!

Got any random thoughts to share?

Footprints in the sand

Dad read the newspaper from cover to cover everyday. He was very interested in the stock market and current events. Stock market mostly, but he did like to read articles and talk about them later. Remember how I told you he'd just do something nice for me out of the blue? Well, one time he saw an ad for a necklace in the Parade magazine that came with the Sunday paper. Do you remember the "Parade" magazine? Anyway, he told mom to order it for me.

That necklace came to my mind today and I've thought about it a lot. I found it in my jewelry box tonight., pulled it out and shined it up. It has footprints on one side and on the other side it says "When you saw only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" from the poem "Footprints in the sand." See here for the whole poem.http://www.llerrah.com/footprints.htm

I have been thinking about that poem all day because that's exactly what happened to me-Jesus carried me through those difficult days and dark nights. I know you've heard me say it a thousand times, but that is the best way I know how to describe the experience of the last few months. Some of you have said some very flattering things about me and I know you mean it as an encouragement to me, but I am not amazing and I have so many flaws and really I am just a big ol' baby, but, BUT, I serve a great big ol' God, who has no flaws, and who loves me(and you) very much.

And because I had a relationship with Him before this all happened, because I had been walking with Him already, when sickness and loss came into my life, He just lifted me up and carried me. Now I am walking again, unsteady at times, but I am walking beside my Lord, leaning on him for support.

There's not too much in this life I can do on my own. The times I tried it, I failed miserably. You see fifteen years ago when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was not walking beside him. In fact, although He was still walking, I was following way behind. Truthfully, I was ashamed of Him and didn't want to walk close. So when the "Big C" diagnosis came I was totally unprepared. I was like a rebellious kid lagging behind the parent getting into all sorts of mischief because she thinks the parent is unaware. But then I realized that dire straits lay ahead and I was doomed if I didn't do something quickly. It was like I had to run, run, run to catch up with Him and when I reached Him, I had to fall at his feet, beg him for mercy and ask him to help me. And because He is an awesome, merciful, forgiving Lord, He just smiled and put out His hand and lifted me up. The Lord carried me then also.

But because I had not been in step with him during those years and I had not allowed him to be close, the experience was not the same as it was this time. Last time my focus became more about mercy, and accepting my role as a child of God and trying to understand that I needed to be submissive to His will. This time it was more about grace, and love, and His promise that he would never leave me nor forsake me. It was so much sweeter.

I know one thing for sure, I don't ever want to walk without Him again.

So happily us

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Originally uploaded by Fernstrom

On my 40th Birthday January 12, 2009

A Boy’s Delight

A digger, a dump truck, a shovel and a bucket…oh the joy of my little boy.

The Knight finally made the sandbox he's promised since Christmas.

The Little Man is upside down with happiness.

He played for hours.

But there was a problem….

Someone else liked the sandbox too.

BUT-It all worked out in the end.

Hope you had a great weekend too.

The waiting

I have a theory. It's my own personal theory, but I'd like to run it by you and see what you think. I believe that modern technology is so advanced and that people are so smart that it could be possible to get test results from a medical procedure in a few minutes. In other words, I believe it would be possible to take a blood sample and put it in a machine or under a microscope and give the patient his results in a matter of minutes. I believe technicians are smart enough or could be easily trained to read CT scans and MRIs and tell the patient what the scan showed immediately. But I believe God is not allowing technology to be quite that advanced right now and here is why. The waiting, which can be utterly excruciating, is when the learning takes place. The waiting is what reduces you. The waiting is the hardest part, but in my opinion it can be the most valuable part of your medical trial.
What if you went to the dermatologist and he said"That spot on your arm looks suspicious. Let me cut it off and see if it's melanoma."
Then he takes it and put under a microscope while you watch, looks it over, turns to you and says, "No, I was wrong. It's not cancerous, it's just a freckle."
You breathe a sigh of relief and meet your friend at Chick-fil-A and forget to even mention it to your spouse.
Or this scenario-you go to the obstetrician for your ultrasound and she says "Uh oh. Looks like your baby may have Downs Syndrome. You get a little teary eyed but then she takes you into another room with a transdimensional image analyzer(Pete made that machine up) performs another test and says, "No. He looks perfectly healthy. Sorry to make you worry for 5 minutes, but we had to be sure." You leave the office, say a quick prayer of thanks and stop by Babies R Us and buy another super cute sleeper on your way home. That's just not how it works though, is it? We go for a biopsy or a scan and it takes several days or even a week to get the results. Oh, but the computer is down and won't be fixed for another few days OR the doctor just won't return your call. That, I believe is part of HIS plan. Those days while you are waiting to get the test results can be the most miserable, agonizing days of your life. You leave the doctors office in tears, can't bear to eat anything, get a huge migraine headache, got to bed, can't sleep, call your friends, call the preacher, read your Bible, get down on your hands and knees and pray, beg God, bargain with God, cuss God, cry some more, think about who'll come to your funeral, imagine how everyone will react to your death, wonder who your spouse will marry, suspect the kids will like her more than you, secretly bet they'll realize too late how great you were, call your friends, read your Bible, pray, try to get on every prayer list possible, pray, and pray and pray and pray. Then on DAY 3 or 4 you realize you have been reading your Bible more than you ever have, you are finding some comforting words, you are asking God to guide you, you are asking him to forgive you, you forgive those who have hurt you over the years. Now when you cry it's not as gut-wrenching. Now when you pray the words flow freely and it's like talking to a friend. You start to name your blessings. The bitterness leaves, sleep comes, and slowly a sense of peace overcomes you. THEN- you get your test results. Good or bad, it really doesn't matter now. You have been on a journey with God. It took a few days, cause God knows we are stubborn, but you have arrived at the destination where God needed you to be while you were waiting. And everything is going to be alright.

Proverbs 3:5and 6 is a verse that I claimed while I was waiting on my test results. I said it over and over, meditated on it, memorized it and held on to it tight. May it be an encouragement to you as well, while you are waiting.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding (Lord, I cannot imagine what is going to be the outcome here. I don't understand this at all. But I believe with all my heart that you are in control. YOU know, I do not know, what is best for me) in all thy ways acknowlege him and he shall direct thy paths. (Lord, I felt your presence today. You have taken good care of me. I know you love me even when I am wrong. Show me what it is you want me to do. Keep me in your will. Use me to bring you glory.)

Oh, and by the way, what do you think about my theory? Please feel free to share your opinion.
Remember the last time you waited?

My life in print!

I've been published! My dear friend Linda took a whole lot of time, a whole ream of paper, and probably two ink cartidges and printed out my blog! She gave it to me at church and I could have cried. It is just beautiful the way she put it together in a notebook with all the pictures arranged on the front. Since I've written over 100 posts I was thinking about having someone professionally design a new background for my blog, but I thought something could happen and everything could get erased. I'd be heart broken. And now my mom's friend who doesn't have a computer can read it. THANK YOU Mrs. Linda for creating a lovely keepsake.

I started this blog on the advice of a friend but I didn't keep it up because I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WRITE ABOUT. Ha! Can you believe that? Now I find myself thinking 20 times a day "I gotta write that on my blog." It has been a great way for me to express my feelings and deal with all the emotions I have been through over the last few months. It really is therapeutic for me to write. I love writing about the kids too and the funny things they say and do. I love to laugh and make other people laugh. I've shed many tears as I'm writing and I've heard you say I've even made you cry a time or two. It was really a good way for me to keep everyone informed about what was going on because I knew you wanted to know, but didn't want to call. When I log on and see that I have comments my heart literally jumps in anticipation. I have gotten to know many of you more through the comments you've written. Thank you for taking the time to do that. I still go back and reread all the comments from when I was in the hospital. You'll never know what that meant to me then and still does today.

The ladies' banquet at church last night was so fun. I am glad my table was full of my girlfriends from Edwards Middle School. It was an honor to have been asked to speak and I am thankful that the Lord helped me through it. I am more amazed everyday at my great God.

Laughing through tears, Sunshine through rain

I am missing my dad so much today. I was boo-hooing in the shower this morning when the Little Man ran in and said, "What happenend?"
I said, "I'm just missing Papa."
He said, "Papa's in Heaven. Zip it up."

Well then.

So Thankful

God's been good, in my life.

I've been blessed beyond my wildest dreams

as I go to sleep each night.

Though I've had my share of hard times,

by my side He's always stood.

Through it all...

God's been good.

Lord, thank you for always being there for me, never giving up on me, forgiving me for my idiotic bullheadedness, blessing me again and again, loving me, treating me like I was your only child, providing my needs and my wants, gently guiding me, lifting up my head, comforting me in my grief, healing my body, completing me, carrying me through my weak times, teaching me your ways, molding me, choosing me, protecting me, cheering me on, giving me courage in difficult times, putting words in my mouth and people in my path, lighting my dark days, delighting in me, speaking to my heart, saving me and holding me close. Amen

O give thanks unto the Lord; call upon his name;make known his deeds among the people. Psalm 105:1

What's your mission field?

My friend Tina got the job I wanted. I wanted God to call my family to be missionaries. I wanted to go to another land to tell them about Jesus. But that was not, or should I say so far it is not, what He has planned for my little family. But, even though He hasn't called us to foreign missions, I still have a mission field here at home. I don't have to leave my neighborhood to find people who need the Lord. The Knight goes to his mission field from 8 to 5 every day. My friend Pam's mission field is as a nurse at the cancer center sharing God's love with those who have cancer. Her patient Marty has that same mission field only his platform is as a witness to God's faithfulness through his cancer battle. I've been thinking about my mission field for several days now. I've also been thinking about a story I heard about Tim Tebow, the quarterback for the Florida Gators.

I'm not really into football. But my brother and his wife and her family are huge Gator fans. My niece and nephew are too and they have been particularly interested in Tim Tebow of late and have had the opportunity to hear him speak two times. Turns out he is just the kind of role model I am happy for them to have.

Tim Tebow was born in the Philippines where his parents were serving as missionaries. He is considered by some to be a miracle baby because his mother had an amoeba infection and her doctors suggested she abort him. But God had a plan for Tim even before day 1. He is a very gifted football player and has done very well at the University of Florida. He has taken a stand for the Lord there among his players, his fellow students and millions of fans. Even though he holds several records and a Heisman trophy, he says that football is number 4 on his priority list for his life. First is his relationship with Jesus Christ, second, his family, and his education is third. He has proudly claimed his life verse Philippians 4:13"I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me" as part of his uniform(he wears it written under his eyes) and also when he signs his autograph. But a day before the national championship game God touched his heart about changing his verse to John 3:16. He mentioned it to several people and everyone told him not to change it. Only his parents supported the idea. He played the championship game with John 3:16 on his eye liner-"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life." Here's the part I cannot believe----during and after that game, John 3:16 was googled 93 million times!!! That was a record number of hits. I asked Suzy's dad to send me the article because I could not believe it. I guess I'm shocked for two reasons. First, I cannot believe that so many people didn't know what that verse said. And second, that they cared enough or were curious enough to look it up on the Internet. So when the time came for him to decide whether he would go on to the NFL or continue one more year with the Gators he decided he had 93 million reasons to continue his work. There is no need for him to leave the good old USA to touch the lives of millions. He is not afraid to share his faith and love of Jesus Christ to a bunch of grizzly football players. He is not ashamed to use his body as a billboard to proclaim God's word. I am very impressed and proud that this is the guy my niece and nephew are looking up to and hopefully will pattern their lives after. Maybe 93 million other people will too.

So, my question to you is- What's your mission field?

First Grade here we come!

At times I feel like my heart could burst wide open. Last night was one of those times. Zoey had a program for her Kindergarten class and we were so proud to see her up there singing her little heart out. My little girl has blown through her first year of school and has learned to read, write, add and subtract and a thousand other new things. She skipped out the door everyday ready to see what new adventure the day would bring. We are so amazed by you Zoey girl! We have high expectations for you, but God's plans are even higher!

That's my mom

"If you're wearing those shoes I'm not going." I told her and ran into my room and slammed the door.

"Duck down when we drive by," I told my friend Christina. "I don't want anyone to see us in my mom's ugly car."

"Why can't I go? Everyone else's mom is so much cooler than mine!" I'd scream at her.

Now days it's more like-

"If you're not wearing those shoes, can I wear them?" and "Wow Mom, can I drive? Your car is sweet!" and "Gee Mom. I'm so glad you weren't like other moms."

Many things about me have changed over the years, but my mom has remained the same. She always sacrificed so much for us so that we could have the best of everything. She was always there for us to go on field trips, to bake cupcakes, to help with projects and homework. She forced me to take piano lessons, made angel wings for the church play, kept me in the latest fashions, let me rearrange my furniture, and have friends over to spent the night. She cooked delicious meals every night, made me go to church, put rollers in my hair, and braces on my teeth. She volunteered at school, spanked me around in a circle, met me at the bus stop, drove me to the skating rink, and threw out my Halloween candy. She always liked my boyfriends, never liked my clothes, always liked my friends, never liked my smart mouth. That woman prayed me through the difficult times and big decisions-college, cancer, career, husband, babies, child raising, cancer.

She spoils us terribly and came to stay when each of her grandchildren were born. She loves The Knight more that she loves me I always say and he in turn would leap tall buildings for her. She is so patient with my children, keeps a closet full of toys for them, and rides them around in the golf cart from daylight to dark. She always wants to know what we'd like her to cook for us, and always has a present or two to share. She studies her Bible faithfully and just recently has fully come to understand just how much God loves her. She's always taught in Sunday School and Children's church, VBS and nursery. She visits the sick and those in nursing homes. She donates to every charity and they call her 20 times a day. She loves to look at catalogs and buy us Christmas presents. She's never happy with her hair and cannot tolerate the wind. She loves living on the St. Johns river and going for walks on the beach. She enjoys visiting her family in Arkansas and looks forward to getting together with her mom, her brother and sister and lots of other family over there. She has a serious addiction to peanut butter and ice cream. She loves to play Rummycube with her 96 year old friend Nina.

I'm ashamed of how I treated her. When I first became a teacher I called her and apologized for my smart mouth. I never fully appreciated her until I was a mom myself and she amazes me more and more everyday. Her faith is so strong and she is so very wise. She took good care of our family, taught us right from wrong and loved us very much. Her heart broke in two when she lost the man she grew up with, raised a family with and planned to grow old with. She is amazingly strong, though, and is seeking God's will for what to do next with her life. I am so thankful for you Mom!!! I love you!

Lord, Thank you for giving me a Godly mother and for putting me in a Godly home. Please bless my mom and give her the strength she needs everyday. Help me to be more like her as we both strive to be more like you. Amen

Happy Mother's Day!

Random Thoughts Thursday

Sometimes there are just random things I want to tell you so I'll just post what's on my mind tonight.

I was in shock that Preacher Eddie's sermon last night was on those exact verses from Mark 5 that I wrote about yesterday. His was a great message!

Woody is going to visit Zoey's Kindergarten class tomorrow for Pet Day. She is so excited and I am sort of nervous. What if he breaks loose and runs rampant through the school and knocks the lunch lady down? He had a bath tonight and he smells great. Let's just hope he doesn't drink from the toilet between now and then.

Relay for Life is Friday night at 7pm Easley High School Stadium. I'll be there walking proudly in the "Survivor's Walk". Come join us for a little while.

I love it when you write comments. Please do it more often. My heart leaps when I see "comments to be moderated". I love to moderate your comments. Moderating comments is my hobby. Won't you give me a comment so I can moderate it.

I got your t-shirt orders and hope to have them all by Saturday. I'll get them to you ASAP. Thanks for ordering.

My brother isn't calling me back. Called him last week and he was fishing off Captiva Island. Called him today and he was at TPCSawgrass. What's up with that?

It's okay if you read my blog. Feel free to share it with anyone. Sometimes I see people and they act funny, like they don't want me to know they read it. Yes, I know sometimes it may get too personal and sometimes my grief may be too heavy. The purpose of this blog is #1 to give God glory for what He has done in my life, #2 to help others who may be going through a difficult time, and #3 because writing helps me cope.

Any ideas about what I can do with all the great cards I have gotten? I'd like to make a keepsake book or something.

If you've ever stayed in the nursery with Little Man at church...I love you and thank you. I'm really mean as a snake and I need to hear the sermon.

I'm thinking my next post is going to be about Tim Tebow. Awesome guy.

My muscles are so sore but I LOVE the oncology rehab program. I always knew I'd end up in rehab...

I hope I have some good video footage of dad. One of these days I going to go through it all and see what I've got. If your parents are still living you should make lots of videos. Maybe interview them about their life.

Tina said the ladies' banquet in Canada went well. Big crowd.

So far my kids have tried and don't care for-salad, avocado, asparagus, broccoli, sweet potato, zucchini, cole slaw(LM loves slaw). They prefer mac and cheese. That is a vegetable here in the south, right.

The Knight wants a boat. I feel so sorry for him.

If I could change one thing about what has happened to me-I wouldn't change a thing. (Except of course Dad would be alive and well.) God has made this trial a blessing. You guys have been a blessing.

Well, that's all I've got. Got any random thoughts to share?

You could say I'm bragging

God is great! Do you know that? I was looking in my Bible for something else and got stopped on Mark chapter 5 because the word "swine" caught my eye. Then I read verse 19 where Jesus heals the wild man possessed by demons, sends the demons to possess the swine and then tells him to "Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee." Do you think his friends thought he was bragging? I wonder if they got tired of hearing about it? Don't you bet they'd see him coming and be like "Oh shoot. Here comes "Wild Bill" and he's gonna tell us for the one millionth time about how he met that man Jesus." And one would say, "Everybody already knows that he was crazy and possessed and that for years nobody could even go near him." And the other guys would say, "Yeah, I remember passing out that way when I was a kid and seeing him out there by the tombs screaming and crying and cutting himself all to pieces. Creeped me out." And the first guy would say,"Now he's just a regular dude. Annoying as heck, though, always bragging about what great things the Lord has done. Old news. Can't he just talk about regular stuff?"
I just had to laugh as I imagined what they may have said about him. The devil's been on me lately about this very same thing. He says,"People are sick of hearing you brag. Can't you just talk about other stuff. Do you think you are special or something?"
Well, I am ready to respond to that...Yes, I am special. I prayed to be something special. The Lord has done a miracle in my life. He has given me life when I could have gotten death. I could have gotten months and months of treatments and side effects and weakness and depression. Instead I am feeling great and getting back to normal after only 3 months. God has a reason for all of this. I want to be smack dab in the middle of his will here. I can't just accept the miracle quietly and fade back into my street clothes. I gotta put on my walking shoes and walk it. I gotta get out my megaphone and tell it. I am bragging as loud as I can shout that God did this. God is the one who gets the glory. God has the power to do some pretty powerful stuff. He's just looking for a few good people willing to be used and even though I had only a sad resume and a pitiful list of references, He chose me. Not too many applied for this valley. He chose this valley, He chose me to walk it and then He carried me through it every step of the way. So sorry if I annoy you, but please step back. I've got work to do. We'd be happy for you to join us.

Don't make me cry

So I cried at the gym today. The girl that works with me, she's a personal trainer I guess, was chatting away while I was on the leg press machine. She asked me a question and I just started crying. All morning I had been thinking about Dad and how much I miss him and how I can't believe he's been gone two months already. She was simply asking me what I was going to do to continue my fitness routine when this program was over and I cried. Then when I was walking on the track I cried some more. I have so much grief that sometimes I can't focus on who or what I'm grieving for. Does that make sense? I feel so overwhelmed with sadness and LOSS. Really I wonder who I am.

For one thing, I sort of feel like I've lost some of my confidence. I always had that feeling that dad "had my back". You know, like if I messed up something or if I needed something or if I was going to try something new , he was going to be there to give me advice, reassure me, encourage me, bail me out of jail. I know I have the Knight, and he really is all that I need him to be. But he's not Dad. Without him, I've lost a certain comfort/confidence from my life.

I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. That's not my body. What did I used to look like? This lack of hormones leaves me struggling to remember what I used to feel like. What is "normal" for me anymore? Am I feeling like this because of losing dad, or the mastectomy or the hysterectomy or just the stress of a busy life with 3 kids? What do I need? Medication, counseling, a vacation?

I really don't know what to do. I'll just do the only thing I know to do and turn to the only one who really knows how to help.

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord, I can't do this on my own. I need you to fill up these empty spaces. Tell me again how YOU complete me. Tell me again how much you LOVE me. Be near me, stay close, restore me, dry my tears, carry me, strengthen me. And please tell my dad I miss him. Amen

Gettin' hot

I'm sure you've noticed how my clothes are hanging off me. I bet you think I have an eating disorder. Before the rumors start to fly, I'll tell you. I have lost 2 pounds! Calm down, I'm pacing myself. Remember I'm trying to make better food choices. Not diet. I'm trying to change my lifestyle. Not diet. I'm trying to be more acive. Not diet. I'm trying to keep it real. Not diet. I am going in a positive direction and progress is being made. Most of all I am enjoying myself, not feeling deprived and feeling better over all. This is gonna be a piece of cake. Er, I mean broccoli.

Old Friends

When I was eighteen I decided I wanted to be a nurse. I LOVED volunteering at the hospital when I was in high school, so, being the rational thinker that I was, I figured nursing would be just like being a candy striper, right? So then I went on to make another rational decision. I chose Clemson University because it was far enough away so that I wouldn't have to go home for church every Sunday, but close enough in case I needed to go home for anything, like money. Also, I was totally impressed by all the orange tiger paws I saw all over town. Yes, every decision I make is still, to this day, based on this same kind of rationale. Since I didn't know anyone else going to Clemson, I chose to go "potluck" on a room mate. Soon I was corresponding with the lucky girl who had been randomly assigned to me. We wrote about what colors we'd use to decorate our room, what stuff we were bringing(she was bringing a fridge), and many other important details of starting college and life away from home. It's kind of scary to leave the comforts of home, get matched with someone you know nothing about and have to live with them in a 12x12 room for who knows how long. I mean, what do you do if that person refuses to bathe or has some disgusting habit? Well, it turned out to be a wonderful match. We ended up getting along great and she didn't have any disgusting habits-at least any that were different than my own. She was messy, just like ME. She too loved chocolate chip cookie dough, she introduced me to all her cool Tiger Band friends, I loaned her my clothes, she balanced my checkbook, I made her laugh. We played pranks on our neighbors, we ate all our meals together, we road tripped to each others houses, and we made lots of friends,even these twin body builders. She always supported me- when I changed my major from nursing(too much science) to marketing, she supported me. When I changed my major from marketing(too much math) to education, she supported me. We had some great times in that tiny dorm room: ordering late night pizzas, complaining about dirty laundry, telling stories from our past, sharing our secrets, dreaming about the future and just growing up together really. We ended up rooming together for 3 years until we parted ways. Over the last 22 years we have managed to keep in touch off and on. She is now married with 3 active boys and a successful career. I'll never forget the day she called to tell me her brother had gotten killed in a train accident. I'll never forget the way she cried when I told her my dad died. Even though we don't get to talk as often as we'd like, and even though we rarely get together, and even though we live hours apart, we will always be friends. You could just call it "pot luck".