The Gate

"God of all our years, we stand at the gate of a new year. Help us to enter this year with YOU. You have given us so many new beginnings and fresh starts. Too often we have found ourselves soon trapped in the same sins-impatience, selfishness, timidity, laziness-to name a few. More than our resolutions, we need the strength of your Holy Spirit living within us. With YOU all things are possible, even a truly new heart for the new year. In the name of your Son who makes all things new. Amen"

I love this prayer I found in a church bulletin and I have thought about it so much. I have said over and over, "I am so glad 2009 is coming to an end." And really I am. I am always happy to have a fresh start even when the year did not hold heartache at every turn as did this past year. But I would be neglecful if I did not say that God has been so good to me this year. Being this close to him has been my privledge and it would not have happened if I had not been brought to my knees time and time again. Time and time again, He was always there to carry me through and to keep me going. I wanted to give up. I wanted to be angry, and at times I was. I thought about going to bed and staying there or just wallowing in my grief and I often felt like spewing my self-pity onto others. But I knew in my heart this was a good thing, this was part of the process. 2009 was a year God was refining me. While my heart was ripping, my confidence was obliterated and my head was spinning, He was there polishing, molding, binding...

So now I stand at the gate of a new year and I have a choice. I feel like slamming the door on 2009 and screaming "Good riddance!" But instead I'll just close it with mixed emotions and say "Thank you Lord for a new year. I will enter in with thanksgiving in my heart. I am hopeful for blessings upon blessings in 2010.I am ready for whatever You need me to do. Keep me close."