Why Me?

David. I love to study David. You know God called him a man after his own heart. I wonder if God sees me as a woman who is after his own heart? I'm certainly no where near the same level as David in any manner of speaking, but I do want to know God's will for my life and I do want to please him. That's what has been on my heart these last few days. The first time I was diagnosed with cancer I cried out to God "Why me? Why do I have to go through this? What did I do to deserve this terrible punishment of radiation and chemotherapy?" This time I cried out the same thing"Why me Lord?" But this time I was thinking in terms of "Why did you see me as worthy of this calling? Who am I to be your representative of your grace and your mercy? Can I really do what I know you are needing me to do?"

In my Bible study this week the verse that spoke to me was when David cried out, "Who am I, O Lord God? and what is my house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?" (IISam.7:18) I feel this same way. Who am I and who is my family that you would see fit to bring us this far? I am nobody. My family is so undeserving. We don't have any royalty in our lineage. We have no reality show. Yet you chose me, handpicked me to be your child. You brought me and my family through sickness, death, heartache, disappointment and pulled us out of the pit over and over again. I ignored you as a teenager, abandoned you when I left for college, denied you in front of a friend, blamed you for my sickness. Yet you patiently waited for me. Your Holy Spirit never stopped tugging on my heart. You never gave up on me. You had the plan. You knew what it would take to get me back in your will. You brought me to a little church in Six Mile. You found me a mate to support me. You blessed my life with children. You healed me once a gain. You brought me THIS FAR! Why me?

Lord, please help me to do what you have called me to do. Only through you can I be what you have called me to be. Thank you for choosing me and bringing me this far. Thank you for being all I need and for never giving up. Amen