God is good!

So there is a rumor going around about me. Some of you viscous, gossiping ladies are saying something pretty bad about me. You are talking about me when I'm not around. One of you even told my mother-in-law. So I'll just take a few minutes today to address this rumor head on. I do not like to share. Okay. It's out. I do not like to share, but only in the case of food. You can have anything I've got, but please don't ask me to share what I'm eating-especially dessert. I'd like to have a bite of what you're eating, but don't ask me for mine. Especially the last bite of something or my last chicken nugget or m&ms-forget it. This bad character trait has only presented itself since I've had children. I'm not sure why because I used to love to go out with my girlfriends and get a big dessert and 12spoons. Not anymore boy. If I'm getting dessert, you ain't gettin any.
But when you are in a family, sharing has to happen. Just like how my sweet Zoey had that bad stomach virus last week and she shared it with me and then I shared it with Allison. That's where I've been-sharing. That's all I'm going to say on that topic.

I am still overjoyed that I don't have to have any radiation or chemo. It still seems unreal that this could be over. I have experienced so much, had so many opportunities to share, and learned so many things in just 2 short months. Truly I am a different person. I hope I can project that into all that I do. I see so many people suffering these days and I want to reach out to them and tell them to just hold on because a brighter day is coming. God has it planned out for your good-that's what He tells us in his word-ALL things work for good to them that love God and to them who are the called according to his purpose.(Romans 8:28) So far, all I can see in this is good. I still yell at my kids and have a lot of self-induced stress, but the whole background of my everyday life has changed. Does that make sense? You know one thing I can see is that if this thing had turned out differently, like if my cancer had been terminal, God still would have been good. He would have made a way for my children to be taken care of, Pete would have been given the strength to endure losing his beautiful wife. I fully believe God would have stepped up and been his awesome self then too. I know that if I had had to go through chemotherapy and been sick and lost my hair-that God would have still been good. He would have still given me what I needed to make it through each day. God would have kept me close and carried me through.

So my next challenge is my dad. What God has planned I don't know. The outlook is grim right now. Part of me is mad. I'm mad that he is only 71. I'm mad that I live here and not close enough to spend more time with him. I'm mad that he didn't listen to me all those times I fussed at him about smoking. I mean didn't he read that paper I wrote in school about the dangers of smoking-I left it on his bedside table. I'm mad that I don't see much fight in him. I want to know he's doing all he can to add time to his life. For us, if not for him. I guess that's selfish,huh? He's not able to go to work, he'll probably never get to golf again, he hasn't the strength to really enjoy life. Why should he want to stay? Many years ago he asked Christ to forgive him for his sins and save him and that day he made a reservation in Heaven. Jesus has a beautiful home waiting for him there and a brand new body. His mom and dad are there, a brother and a few good friends. He's lived a good life, so there will be many rewards for him to enjoy. Dad has so much to look forward to. if God is ready for him to go home, then I just need Him to give us us that reassurance. I don't have peace about that yet. I need to see him, I guess. We are planning a trip down in two weeks so maybe I can have some quality time with him. I just keeping thinking of how awesome it would be if God healed him or if He just allowed dad to get better and have some quality time. I don't know, friends. This is all new to me. We know we'll lose our parents someday, but when the time comes it doesn't seem any easier. Lord, knows I don't want him to suffer. He's been such a good dad to me. Did I tell you how he spoiled me? He said I'd never find a man who could "keep me in the manner to which I'd become accustomed". He'd say that often and it always made me laugh. He cared about my education- he sent me to good schools and encouraged me to pursue a career I could love. He cared about my health- he had braces put on my teeth, sent me to the dermatologist when my face broke out and even bribed me with money to lose weight one time. He bought me the best he could afford-a new car to drive to college and a another new car when some boy crashed mine. He cared about my self-esteem-he sent me to Outward Bound for nine days in the woods to find my inner strength. (Good grief that's a whole nother post)He cared about my spiritual state- he made sure I heard God's word and he raised me in a Christian home and to love the Lord. Don't you see why I don't want to lose him. I've said it before-he's the wind beneath my wings. But I know now, better than I've ever known before,the Lord will not leave us, He won't give us more than we can bear, He has the time table, He is in control. I can't do anything about dad's cancer. I just have to stay in touch with that same great physician who healed me and make my petition for dad. Whatever God chooses I will have to accept and remember that once again God will be good.