I am home and glad to be back in my own bed, but boy did I hate to leave my mom. I know she is going to be alright and she has to be alone eventually, but driving away knowing she was going in the house to be alone for the first time was so hard. I am thankful we had that time to grieve together. I miss Dad and I am already worried that soon I won't be able to remember his voice, the touch of his hand or the details of his face.
I have the devil figured out. He has pulled out his fear tactics and he is trying to make me miserable. In my mind I can hear him say things like "Wonder what's going to happen next? What if something happens to Pete or one of the kids? Bad things happend in threes. You just thought you had seen hard times, your real nightmare might be right around the corner. Don't try to get too comfortable, there's a black cloud over you. Maybe you should just give up. How long do you think it'll be until the next tragedy? " I am afraid and I know that's not God. I am walking around today like a scalded dog. My face doesn't even feel normal, like it has the wrong look on it. My shoulders feel slumped, and I find myself more sensitive than ever about my post-operative body. I am weak today, friends and I don't know why. I am just hoping that knowing how the devil is working will help me keep him away. I know some of these verses by heart, now I've got to believe them and plead them over and over until the fear lets go. If I don't, I am going to lose ground and I've already come too far to do that.
2 Timothy 1:7- For God hath not given us the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Psalm 23:4,5- Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me: thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: though anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Isaiah 41:13- For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
Proverbs 1:33-But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely and shall be quiet from fear of evil.
I am going to write these on notecards and keep them close. I have so much to be thankful for, I will not let the devil steal my joy.
Thank you for all the cards you have sent and all your prayers. I know you are tired, but will you continue to pray for me?
About Me
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- Fern
- I am busy mom of 2 girls, ages 8 and 11, and a 5 year old boy. I am trying to serve the Lord, raise healthy, happy children, and just generally keep it all together! I am happy to report that I am now a breast cancer survivor-TWICE! This is our first year as a homeschooling family!
The Fern5
I love my family!
Allison
This girl is my right hand and my mini-me. I often say she and I are co-parenting Anders. She just turned 11 and is becoming quite a young lady. She has a big heart for the Lord and is very sensitive to serving others. She is looking forward to babysitting one day and thinks she may be a baby doctor. I'm so thankful for her!
Zoey
Zoey is outgoing, athletic, and musical but does not like to be "joked." Her smile makes me melt! She enjoys playing outside with the neighborhood kids and plans to someday be a professional soccer player and a missionary "on the side". She is a blessing!
The Little Man
Don't be fooled by the innocent look behind the bowtie. This guy is a royal mess. He is forever delivering lines that keep up doubled over laughing. Ninety percent of what he tells us is pure lies. Even though he has three moms, we can never find his shoes. Love him!
Me and my knight
Soon to be celebrating 16 yearsof marriage!
Please hurry!
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8 comments:
Alisa
I am so thankful that you have all these wonderful memories of your dad. I don't think you will ever forget his voice or his face. I can still remember my dad and he has been gone for 31 years. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it will get easier. Just remember you have God to hold on to.
I will pray to the father and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever. Even the spirit of truth whom the world can not receive because he seeth him not, neither knoweth him but ye know him for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you. Jn 14:16-18
Behold, God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid, for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song, he also has my salvation. Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.
Is.12:2-3
The Lord is my strength and song and has become my salvation.
Ps. 118:14
I am still praying for you and your family. If you need anything just call. I love you.
Pat
Alisa,
You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Just hold on to God and his word. The Devil can do so much if you just let him. He is hitting you when you feel the worst and you know that. I like those verses so hold on to that. God is Good and God will carry you through all this. (He sure has carried me through some hard times. If it wasn't for him I would have been lost and let the Devil win in several circumstances in my life) I love you and I will be praying for you. You are a strong women and you can do this.
Love ya,
Sandy
Alisa, you have to be strong! The devil preys on weakness. You can't allow yourself to think these negative thoughts or he will thrive on them. As hard as it is......you have to remain positive and tell that old devil...."Get thee behind me Satan!!"
Try thinking...... so many negative things have happened that nothing else bad could possibly happen and try thinking only positive thoughts. For instance, maybe Pete will get a raise or a promotion at work, maybe your kids will make straight A's through school and get full scholarships to great colleges. You have to think of GOOD things and not dwell on the bad. I know it is so hard because of everything that has happened but it is sooooo imperative.
I firmly believe that negative thoughts cause bad things to happen and even causes bad health and definitely depression. I also feel that thinking good ,positive thoughts helps you sustain good health and that good thoughts make great things happen.
I will be praying that God will give you strength and that you will feel His loving arms around you. Remember during our most difficult times......He carries us.
Much love and big hugs,
Angela Stansell
p.s. The nurse side of me wants to also remind you that maybe you should talk to your doctor about antidepressants. You have had a lot on you in a very short amount of time and they might help. :0)
ALISA WHEN I TALKED WITH YOU YESTERDAY YOU SAID YOU WERE OKAY FROM NOW ON IF YOU ARE NOT OKAY LET ME HEAR THAT SO I WILL KNOW HOW TO PRAY FOR YOU. THIS IS THE MOMMY IN ME FUSSING AT YOU. I LOVE YOU AND WISH I COULD TAKE THE PAIN AND FEAR AWAY FOR YOU. BUT JUST TRUST IN THE LORD OUR GOD AND HE WILL HELP YOU GET THROUGH THIS. THE SUN IS SHINING TODAY IT WILL BE A BETTER DAY FOR YOU I HOPE. LOVE YA CHERYL
Alisa, I am still praying! You can do anything, including walking on water, if you keep your eyes on Jesus. But, even when Peter took his eyes off Jesus and focused on the storm around him, Jesus reached His hand out and caught Peter. Jesus will carry you through this storm of fear just like he has been carrying you through this tremendous valley for months. Just keeping looking for Jesus. That's what I'm praying. Love ya, Ms. Cynde
Precious Alisa.......... We are all still praying for you and God is still with you, watching over you and your family. But one thing is very different, isn't it. Your Dad isn't visible now and coming back home reminded you that the world has gone on without him. The children are still playing, housework and homework still have to be done, and life goes on. You are physically and emotionally tired and you have every right to be. And, (this is a big and) you are still grieving and you still need to grieve. You are grieving for your Dad, for your Mom's loss, for your children's loss, for friends' and for your own loss of part of your body. You feel that your health is more vulnerable now. You have lost so much in the last few months.......... but you haven't lost your faith in God, nor your joy in him. You just have to give yourself some time. Surround yourself with God's presence, with your family, your friends, enjoy the sunshine (now that it's back), the raindrops, all of God's creation......... think how wonderfull all of this is and remember that this is nothing compared to what your Dad is seeing. Don't let the devil steal your joy by making you think that you have to be SuperMOM, superfriend, superdaughter, superwife, perfect in everyway. You have to feel these things in order to heal and go own. Just as your body had to experience the pain, your emotions have to experience this pain in order to heal. God knows our every need, our thoughts and fears. Turn them over to him and rest for a while. Just as your body hasn't healed in a week, don't expect your emotions to heal that quickly. Use this time to let your friends lift you up. This helps them as much or more than it helps you. I promise that you will never forget your Dad. You will always remember his voice, his smile, his eyes........ even when you think you don't...... there will be times when you will see it as plain as you did when he was here with you. I'm sorry I have rattled on and on. I wish I could hold you and let you cry......... it's good for the soul sometimes. Let God hold you as your Dad would have and let him comfort you as no one else can. We will be praying for you and your family forever.
Much love and prayers, Pam
Hi! I was just thinking today that I had been too focused on my grief and not on yours and Mike's. I had my Dad for almost 69 years and that is 19 more than you had yours. I am going to be O.K. so please don't worry about me. God told me that I am never alone and that when I have Him I have all that I need. I have read that and taught it and now I have to really believe it. You know how I told you about the lady telling me that she envisioned God sitting on His throne and it being a rocking chair and she climbed up in His arms to be rocked, that is what I am doing, I am being rocked. I know this all happened to prepare us to serve Him better and I am just praying for Him to teach me how to do that. I am so thankful for you and Mike and that you love the Lord so you both have all that you need even if everything else is taken away. I know how the devil works also because he has been after me for a long time but he is not going to win, I know the one who is greater. He tells us to pray without ceasing and I am certainly doing that. Have prayed for you a lot today, I am still feeling the prayers. Mom
Alisa, You will not forget what your Dad sounds like. I haven't forgotten my Daddy's voice and it's been almost 11 years. God is your strength, your peace and your comfort. It WILL become easier to bear this grief. I am lifting you up in prayer! Love, Karen Rampey
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