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I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think I may be going insane. My children are so wonderful, lovable, funny, smart-but they are driving me crazy. I know it's me. They haven't changed. It's their mommy who has changed. She lost both breasts, her uterus, her ovaries and her dad in a matter of two months. There is nothing I can do about that. What I CAN do is just keep asking God to help me. Often it's more like "Oh Lord, help me. I can't do this on my own!" a hundred times a day. I must report to you that it's working. He tells us to cry out to Him and he will answer. I could not get out of bed everyday without His help. He reminds me daily to be JOYFUL, to be THANKFUL and to TRUST Him. I am really trying each day to keep my mind on Him, so if I seem a little aloof, don't be offended-I'm just concentrating. On my own I am so weak. With the help of my great big God, I can handle anything, especially the children he gave me and the problems he allowed me. He would never give me loud, uncontrollable children and then not equip me to handle them. He would never take something away and then not fill that void with himself, right? If that's the case then I must have him all over me- inside and out. (Huh, that thought just came to me and I really like it.) To reiterate-If God is going to take something away from me, He will fill up that empty space with himself. So He will fill up that hole my dad left. He will fill my empty chest and replace my missing organs. Good grief, that's awesome, isn't it. He's so good.
My mom is my inspiration. She is so strong in the Lord and she just keeps saying "God is all I need." So true, Mama, so true.
Just when I think I'm about to flip my lid, the Knight comes riding in on his horse. He senses the beautiful princess needs to be rescued. She's teetering there on the edge of a huge cliff with three children pushing her. He scoops her up into his arms and.... makes her laugh her head off. Take tonight for example. In the van on the way to church we were trying to have a discussion over the voices of our screaming and fighting children. I was just chatting away about my health issues and asking him if he thought the doctors were right about my treatment. He looked at me in all seriousness and said "Did they do a brain scan?" Can you BELIEVE that????? Do you think God can fill up that space where my brain was?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
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7 comments:
That Knight has a idea maybe they did forget about checking the brain.HA! You sound like you are having many issuses about things but just let that Big God Jim talked about tonight take care of you. You just lost to many body parts at one time to still be walking around and it was then parts God gave us because of Eve's wrong doing, right? but we still need then. BUT NOW WE CAN LIVE WELL WITHOUT THEM WITH A LITTLE HELP. I think all women are insane to some point are we wouldn't have these wonderful childern and husbands we talk so much about. We would be living on a wonderful inland eating chocolate and wondering who's clothes has to be washed next . It is going to be okay we love you and God loves you and he will give you peace to go with the insanity. love FMJ
Well if I can may I brag on you for a second...
I think you are doing a great job with those children. They are all so precious. Allsion is the sweetest, funniest child she makes me smile everytime I look at her, Zoey has this sweetness about her that you just want to squeeze out of her, and Anders is just full of life! God might be using them to take your mind off of everything he has put you through?? I know sometimes I can be in a deep thought about things going on and then I hear "MOOOOOM", or some other loud crazy noise brought on by two not so little mouths and it wakes me up and makes me realize that all that stuff doesn't matter as long as I have my precious girls, no matter how much they make me want to go to that Island of Chocolate that Julia was talking about,I am so thankful for their daily annoyances!
I love you girl!
Shannon D
Hi Alisa,
I was just getting caught up on your blogs. You've really had a hard time, but as you have stated so many times...God will be with you helping you all the way. He already knows what we are going to face tomorrow, that in itself is so comforting. My Dad will be gone 30 yrs this August...died with cancer in '79...not a day goes by that I don't miss him. But you know, Heaven just gets sweeter...You've heard this before...I have a brother,Alan, my Mom, Dad, a best friend, Debbie, and two little girls (Vonda Kay and Wendy Michelle, aren't those pretty names) already there waiting for me...not counting all the friends down thru the years. Isn't Heaven going to be so wonderful! I woke up last night at 1:00 and couldn't sleep, so I read for an hour...about Joseph...how he was such a picture of Christ...just think, we're going to be in Heaven with all those we read about in the Bible too! What a time! Just remember...we're praying for you. Love you, Diane
Hi Alisa--I just have to tell you that your feelings about the children are so normal. I remember once when the children were all under 10 years. I called my dear sister and asked her to please drive to my place immediately. I needed to walk away from the whole situation for a moment. Then things were better.
As someone else blogged--you have the most amazing children. This didn't happen by accident. Your love and loving disipline has made them that way.
Keep up the good work. Love ya--Connie Briley
Sweetie
It's probably the hormones or lack of them, kickin in plus all the other stuff you've been through. I know it may not seem like it right now but you will be OK. God is in control. Plus you have 3 precious children and a Knight in shining armor to take care of you. I'm here if you need anything.
Love ya,
Pat
Ps 18:2-3
The Lord is my Rock and my fortress,and my deliverer, my God my strength, in whom I will trust, my buckler and the horn of my salvation and my hightower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, so shall I be saved from my enemies.
Ps 18:17
He deliverd me from my strong enemy and from them which hated me for they were to strong for me.
Alisa,
I think it is just a mother thing about our children. There are days when my is so bad, that I think I really beg God for a baby and then I realize that I have been blessed with a child. Your children our precious, we really enjoy Allison in our class on Wednesday night. There are times I wonder if Joey and I are making a difference to these kids and then she gave me a card last Wednesday night saying "thank you and that she enjoyed being in our class". That really made my night.
I look forward everyday to your post.
Love ya girl,
Melissa A.
Hi Alisa, I hope you have a fantastic time at the beach. There is absolutely nothing better than the sound of the waves and watching the children playing on the beach. I treasure those memories from when my children were younger and now as I watch my grandchildren run and play. Please share your thoughts concerning reconstructive surgery and experiences with your friends and future friends on your blog. Just last night I found out that a former neighbor of ours in Al. had found out that she has breast cancer and I was able to tell her about your experience and how God has blessed you and used you through this. I sent her your blog and hope that she will get in touch with you. Through your willingness to share your experiences, both good and bad, it will help others as they are faced with some of the same things, whether it's breast cancer, death of a loved on, or just the daily issues of home and husband and children. Life is full and we each need someone to remind us to smell the roses along the way. I think you are a rose to all of us. Have a great week and hope to see you soon.
Pam
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