Forever my Knight

He showed up at the front door of my little mill house one February night in full western dress, including tight jeans, a cowboy hat and a big belt buckle. He wisked me away to a night of county line dancing at the Crystal Pistol. It didn't take many dates to realize this was it for us and it didn't take long to figure out he was no cowboy. Instead he was a knight and we started spending every spare minute with each other. I told him all about my cancer battle the year prior, just so he would know that this chick was no ordinary college girl. I thought he should know that life with me may not be easy. It was scary to fall in love so fast and begin thinking about being with that someone forever. At that point in time I wasn't even sure forever would be that long for me.

I'm not sure why I am in the mood to reminisce about the early days with the Knight. Lately there have been days when I am weary just trying to keep my head above water. Some days I joke that I may just leave and not come back. Most days I meet him at the door when he walks in from work and thank him for coming home.(I usually run to him and fall into his arms and say "Thank you for coming home" in a super-dramatic fashion. You can ask him. He will verify this fact.) I have doubts sometimes that I am a good mother. I often second-guess my child rearing ability. Sometimes I wonder if my children are going to turn out normal in spite of their crazy mama. I pray for God to give me patience and to help me be the mom He wants me to be. There's so much I don't know about this job as a domestic engineer. But what keeps me showing up for work everyday, the reason I know I can make a go at this child-rearing gig, is that my co-worker (my boss, really) is the man that God chose for me. There's something about that fact that makes me so infinitely happy that even in my lowest times, my most frustrating of days, when dark clouds of insecurity loom overhead, I know that God, because he is so good, picked him and that we will live together for as long as God intends for our forever to be.