Broken heart

I just got Pete and the girls headed to SC in a rental car. Anders and I are staying here in Jacksonville through the weekend. I hope I can be a comfort to mom in the next few days and prevent her from being alone in this big old house so soon.

The events of the last few days are a rolling through my head. Pete came home Thursday at noon with his briefcase and I just knew he was coming home to go to bed sick. I had been teasing him about not making any plans for the weekend because I was sure he would have the stomach virus we had. But instead he told me it was dad and to call my brother. Mike got on the phone and said things had taken a bad turn. They had drained dad's lung the night before in the hospital and had tried to unclog the drain they had put in for them to use to drain him at home. When they unclogged that drain they used some sort of vacuum and apparently that had caused him to bleed. Due to heart trouble through the years he had been on Plavix and so once he started to bleed internally there was no way to stop it. I cannot describe how my heart exploded when Mike told me this . THIS was not how it was supposed to end I remember saying. I said we would be there as soon as we could get there, but my brother said there wasn't much time. He said I could talk to him on the phone. So I tried to get it together and when he put the phone up to dad's ear and I had only a few seconds to tell him how much I loved him and what a good daddy he had been and how I would see him again one day. He told me he loved me, but that it was time. I said, "Daddy, Jesus has his arms outstretched for you and he will take you home" He said "I know." I can't remember all I said, Pete told me later that I had done well and said it all. I have thought about that SO much since then. I could never begin to tell YOU what a great dad he was, but to try to tell HIM in a few seconds was impossible. I just hope he knew. I just hope he knew....Mike got back on the phone then and we talked about what the doctors might do for dad and Mike wanted to know if I wanted them to try to keep him alive and I told him to do whatever he thought would make him most comfortable. When we heard from mom later, she said dad was sleeping, so I clung to the hope I could be there with him when he died.
I just went crazy slinging stuff and trying to pack and Pete took the dog to be boarded and to pick up the girls. Anders kept saying "Stop crying mommy." A short while later we got word that The Gate company plane was in Alabama and could come pick us up and fly us there. What a wave of relief, and a huge burden lifted. So we left Greenville at 4:00 and arrived in Jacksonville at 5:00. But when I saw my mom and brother and sister-in-law at the airport I knew I was too late. It was then that I felt my heart break, a feeling I had never known before that day. So many of you know what I'm talking about and may have felt it many times in your lives. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit has just taken over, comforting us and gently carrying us through these dark days.