Tennis balls and dog breath

Sorry for not posting for two days. I try to get my work done so I'll have free time to write at night, but I have been busy getting things ready for vacation. Allison and the Little Man had to have new clothes and I had to get out hand-me-downs for Zoey. My week has been taken up with laundry, shopping, a couple doctor's appointments and even a little craft project. Of course I've been on the phone with my brother a few times having a little pep rally about the week ahead. We had to iron out important details like what we're going to eat, where we're going to eat and what we're bringing to eat.


As you know, Romans 8:28 has been my theme verse for the last few months and it has been interesting to me how many times I've seen it just in the last week. It was in our family devotional, on another blog I read, and a couple other times it's come up that I can't remember. It's probably one of the most popular verses for people who are going through hard times. We have to cling to the belief that #1 God is in control of whatever situation we are in and #2 it is going to have a good ending. So much is going on that that I don't know what to do, or how to react or even how to help others cope with hardships. But in a short period of time I have had to let go of a few things and just let God have them. I let go of the tidiness of my house issue and I must say it has been a huge relief for me. I have spent so much time on my hands and knees in the past- not in prayer mind you- spot cleaning my carpet for cryin' out loud-and I just had to give that up. The Little Man came to me today and said "I spilled my drink. I clean it up." I just said "Good job" and went about my business. Hahaha-who cares?

I had to let go of my body image issues. Nothing looks good on me. I have a concave chest and a protuding abdomen. I look ridiculous in the mirror and a bathing suit is just a joke. Sometimes I consider trying out a couple of tennis balls to see if they would help, but otherwise I just have to forget about it. I am wearing my hair curly this week just because it's easier and it also serves as a distraction. I wouldn't say I am "letting myself go" but I am just accepting who I am right now. One of these days I am going to get in shape (mark your calendar to walk Monday after Spring Break, Marylena) and one day I'll have reconstructive surgery, but for now, this is what I've got. If you care about my flat chest, big belly and absent mind, then check me off your list.I have a new attitude about a lot of the things I used to worry about. A couple of things have come up that I really wanted to just stress out about, and a couple of things have come up that I DID stress out about. I just had to ask myself that in the grand scheme of things- is it really worth it? When I told God through my tears and frustration that He was just going to have to take care of those things, there was a huge wave of relief that washed over me each time. How liberating it is for me to finally be learning at the ripe old age of forty, that some things are just beyond my control.

Wednesday I gave Woody a much needed bath and he went and promptly drank out of the toilet-a not flushed toilet- and I just completely came apart at the seams. A full-fledged crying spell complete with sobs and thoughts of running away, and even a fleeting image of me, alone, in a little Bed and Breakfast in North Carolina. I was unloading my frustration on the Knight and going berserk about how I just can't stay on top of anything and how I'm trying so hard and how we're all going to catch that human feces disease I had read about in my home medical reference book. All the while the girls are riding their Barbie scooters in circles around me talking and laughing and completely oblivious to my breakdown. I just started praying and sort of chanting "Lord, you've got to take this. Lord, you've got to take this..." Whew, it was a close one. The article would read "She beat cancer twice, but then she was wiped out by her dog's deadly kisses."

So for now I am still learning to sift through the unimportant stuff, still trying not to freak out about things I cannot control, and still trying to smile at myself in the mirror. All the while I am enjoying all the good that God has intended for me.

(Oh, and still trying to teach my kids to flush...)

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God and to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28.