Footprints in the sand

Dad read the newspaper from cover to cover everyday. He was very interested in the stock market and current events. Stock market mostly, but he did like to read articles and talk about them later. Remember how I told you he'd just do something nice for me out of the blue? Well, one time he saw an ad for a necklace in the Parade magazine that came with the Sunday paper. Do you remember the "Parade" magazine? Anyway, he told mom to order it for me.

That necklace came to my mind today and I've thought about it a lot. I found it in my jewelry box tonight., pulled it out and shined it up. It has footprints on one side and on the other side it says "When you saw only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" from the poem "Footprints in the sand." See here for the whole poem.http://www.llerrah.com/footprints.htm

I have been thinking about that poem all day because that's exactly what happened to me-Jesus carried me through those difficult days and dark nights. I know you've heard me say it a thousand times, but that is the best way I know how to describe the experience of the last few months. Some of you have said some very flattering things about me and I know you mean it as an encouragement to me, but I am not amazing and I have so many flaws and really I am just a big ol' baby, but, BUT, I serve a great big ol' God, who has no flaws, and who loves me(and you) very much.

And because I had a relationship with Him before this all happened, because I had been walking with Him already, when sickness and loss came into my life, He just lifted me up and carried me. Now I am walking again, unsteady at times, but I am walking beside my Lord, leaning on him for support.

There's not too much in this life I can do on my own. The times I tried it, I failed miserably. You see fifteen years ago when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was not walking beside him. In fact, although He was still walking, I was following way behind. Truthfully, I was ashamed of Him and didn't want to walk close. So when the "Big C" diagnosis came I was totally unprepared. I was like a rebellious kid lagging behind the parent getting into all sorts of mischief because she thinks the parent is unaware. But then I realized that dire straits lay ahead and I was doomed if I didn't do something quickly. It was like I had to run, run, run to catch up with Him and when I reached Him, I had to fall at his feet, beg him for mercy and ask him to help me. And because He is an awesome, merciful, forgiving Lord, He just smiled and put out His hand and lifted me up. The Lord carried me then also.

But because I had not been in step with him during those years and I had not allowed him to be close, the experience was not the same as it was this time. Last time my focus became more about mercy, and accepting my role as a child of God and trying to understand that I needed to be submissive to His will. This time it was more about grace, and love, and His promise that he would never leave me nor forsake me. It was so much sweeter.

I know one thing for sure, I don't ever want to walk without Him again.