What a weekend!

Again, I am so thankful to be home and in my own bed. Apparently I've been in bed too much because my back has been hurting today, but really I still have no complaints about pain. I can't believe it. Of course I take a Tylox every 4 hours, but I still thought I'd be all uncomfortable and more out of it. I can't remember a time when my back hurt from being in bed too much. How great is that? All I really need this week is for a few of my girlfriends to come over and lie in bed with me and tell me funny stories that don't make me laugh. Sign up sheets are in the back.

I just went back and reread all the comments you've written on my blog over the last few days and I just appreciate those so much. Your support and love has been so precious to me during this time.

You know, it's only been about 6 weeks since my diagnosis, but my how my life has changed. Why does it take something like this for us to regain our focus and reorganize our priorities? I just have so much love and respect for God that I don't ever want to disappoint him. He has done so much for me, how could I ever repay him? Sometimes I don't get to do what I want or things I say don't come out right, or sometimes I just forget stuff. But I am so glad that God knows my heart and He knows my intentions. I just want him to be proud of me.

I feel like God has allowed this in my life for many reasons. When I was a new Christian I thought maybe God was punishing me when bad things happened to me. But I know so much more about his great love for me now and I know that He has a plan for my life and that bad times draw us closer to Him and help us realize how dependent on Him we are. I tried to live without Him many times in my life and truly it just didn't work out. There was always a feeling of dissatisfaction-like there was something I was missing or something more that I needed to fill that void No doubt someone reading this is feeling that way. Are you constantly searching? Are you always thinking that if this would change or that would work out, then maybe I could be happy and content. I don't know about you, but if you feel that way, then perhaps that missing piece is Jesus Christ. My life is nowhere near perfect. Good grief, I have struggles everyday. I am not anything close to what I want to be. Really, on my own I am just a loser. BUT, the good news is, Jesus fills that void. The thing that gets me up in the morning, the thing that puts a smile on my face and completes me (it's not "the knight", as great as he is). It's a life lived for Christ.
I want you to experience that too. I'm here to tell you, you don't know what your next mammogram may show, or your next physical may reveal, or even if you have a tomorrow. The search for satisfaction is exhausting. Wouldn't it be great to find that piece to your puzzle? Jesus said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:28-30

Oh, and on another note: Pam, my wonderful oncology nurse friend told me yesterday that now I can mow my grass without a shirt on. Isn't that great news? Tomorrow's gonna be a warm day...drive slow.

Peace and quiet

The kids have been gone most of the day with Amy and Carl to Gattitown and I'm sure they are having a blast. Meanwhile, I've been relaxing, eating Twizzlers, drinking sweet tea and enjoying the quiet. It's during these quiet times (when I am awake) when I can really reflect on all that has happened and how good God has been. I'm so thankful that the cancer isn't anywhere else. I am so thankful that they did both surgeries at the same time. I am so thankful that I have such competent, caring doctors.I am so thankful that I have very little pain. I am so thankful for a husband that will give me a bath and empty my drains and wake up in the middle of night to give me meds and crackers and more sweet tea. I'm thankful for a mother-in-law who can come into my home and take over and not get on my nerves. (I mean, who can say that honestly?) I am so thankful for so many friends who call and visit and bring delicious food and love me and my family. I am thankful for old friends and relationships renewed. I am thankful for my RSBC Tuesday AM Bible study friends who have been so concerned and so loving toward someone they barely know. I am thankful for the young people at my church who prayed for me and gave me cards and gifts and sent me text messages at the hospital. I am thankful for my family who has been so supportive even though they are miles away.
I don't want to feel like I did on Tuesday ever again in my life. I never want to get news like I did on Dec. 23rd. I never want to wonder if I'll get to see my children grow up. But I also hope that I never forget this experience and how it's changed my life.

HomeSweetHome

Praise the Lord! I am home in my own wonderful bed and just relaxing under God's sheltering wing. The power of prayer is an awesome thing folks. I have experienced it mightily over the past 4 days. Both doctors said my surgeries went very well. Recovery was horrible on Tuesday. I was so nauseated and uncomfortable and out of it and just all around miserable. Thanks to all your prayers and generous doses of drugs, God brought me through it. By Wednesday I was feeling pretty well. Thursday I has a little more nausea and pain, but I had a shower and that perked me up. So I was pleased that the doctors released me, the paperwork got done quickly, and I was home in my own bed by noon. Yippee!!!!

I can't tell you how much it meant to me to know you were all praying for me and my family. I was so pleased to get all your comments on my blog; I couldn't wait to get to the lobby and plug in my computer. Thank you for the cards you sent int he mail and all the many well wishes. The food has been rolling in and we certainly apprecaite that, too. The kids did very well with Nana at the helm. Allison made me all kinds of cards and a welcome home banner for the mantle. Zoey says I smell like the hospital and after the initial welcome home has stayed away. Anders is very interested in mommy's boo-boos and is ready to "heed books!"

It's very strange to look down at my chest and see nothing there. I can't believe how little pain I have there. I thought my arms would be so sore and possibly immobile, but really I have no complaints about the incisions or the pain from the mastectomies. I have the dissolvable stitches and not even any bandages. I have two drains still in my chest to keep it clear and the knight/Dr. Pete is taking care of those for me. The hysterctomy incision and stomach area are pretty painful, but only when I first get up to walk around. They removed the staples before I left and I only have steri-strips there. I imagined myself all stitched up and bandaged up and terribly sore and miserable and I'm not like that at all. I am just amazed at how God has worked all this out for me.

Dad stayed in the Mayo Clinic overnight one night this week and they drained a whole bunch of fluid from his lungs. He is still very weak and there is something going on with his left lung. He is unable to breathe deeply and speaks quietly. I am very worried about him. Hopefully he will get the results from the fluid on Monday and they will tell him what is going on and get him on the road to recovery. He is such a good man who loves the Lord and has always made providing for us an utmost priority. I wish I could do more for him. Thank you for you concern and prayer for him.

there is so much I want to write, but I feel kind of dizzy headed so I will go . thanks again for everything and please know that God is control and there is something in all of this for you too.

Clean at last!

Thank you for all the flowers, gifts, cards and comments. It is an overwhelming feeling to know how much you care for me and my family.

Today's Milestone
Today was the first day I was able to get up and take a shower!

I feel the love

Greetings from Greenville Memorial Hospital! Yesterday was the worst day of my life, but today I am alive and kickin. I am virtually pain free on the top and I am only having a little bit on the bottom. We are praising the Lord that everything has gone so smoothly. The morphine pump has been most enjoyable and the sweet tea, Jello, and lip balm is making life easier. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers, care and concern for me and my family. It sounds like I won't have to cook until June and you are fighting amongst yourselves to clean my house.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

Love you all!

Surgery Update

Alisa's surgeries went fine and she is doing remarkably well. She was able to stand up and walk around the room earlier this morning. If everything goes well she should be able to come home Friday. Please continue to pray for Alisa and her dad's recovery. The Lord has been so good to us. Praise the Lord.

- the Knight

Pink and prayer

If you need a church, I know of a good one. There is no way to put into words how I felt yesterday at church. The cards, the hugs, the gifts, the offers to help, the promises to pray. That was all quite enough to boost my spirits, but then to look around and see all those dressed in pink and wearing the prayer bracelets with my name on them-WOW! I have never felt so loved and just so "bathed in prayer" in my entire life. There is no way to explain this experience. Breast cancer has given me the chance to know the Lord better, to grow closer to my friends, to make new friends and to appreciate my family. It is clear to me that your prayer is what is keeping me together. I want you all to know that I appreciate all you have done for me and for what you will be doing for me in the future. You are such a blessing to me and my family. I have been thinking about what an impression this must be making on my children and I feel sure this will be a memorable time in their lives for the good care and amazing love we have felt from all of you.

I have to be at the hospital at 9in the morning. the mastectomies should begin at 11 and then the hysterectomy will be after that. The surgeries should take about 3 hours and then I'll be in recovery a couple of hours. I should be able to come home by Friday. The thing I am stressing about most is pain. I just remember standing up for the first time after my c section and it was treacherous. My stomach will be so sore and my arms will both be too, I guess, So how will I even be able to get up.
My wonderful mother-in-law is here and she'll be taking care of things with the kids and the house and food. Pete will be with me at the hospital. Please pray for Allison. She was crying a lot at bedtime tonight and asking a lot of questions. She has a substitute teacher at school this week which has her school security system messed up and she's worried about me. I was doing well talking with her until she started crying and saying she hadn't been a good daughter and how she was sorry. I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing that girl is to me. She is God's girl and He has something big planned for her,too. There is not another child like her on the planet. Today at the grocery store I could see her looking at the lady in the wheelchair in line behind us. I knew what she was thinking and when she looked at me I just nodded. She asked the lady if she could help her with her groceries. I know everybody thinks their kids are wonderful and super talented. But really, just wait. And Zoey is my middle child who is already basking in her Nana'a attention. She had her full attention tonight and I've never seen her take so long to do her homework because her Nana was right there with her. The little man has been just wild. He's jacked up on candy and no nap yesterday and he has been into everything today. Anyway, not sure why I chose tonight to try to tell you about the kids, but I am just hoping you will remember to pray for them too. And for Pete trying to be there for me and for Sharon as she holds down the fort. Also remember my mom and dad. Dad's pneumonia is still there so they didn't do the test today. He goes for a Ct scan in the morning so please remember them.

I just want ya'll to know that I really am okay. I am really nervous and I didn't get to do all that I wanted to around the house and I didn't get to call everyone I wanted to call. But I love all of you and I am just looking forward to a better day. I am just thinking so much about how God says he'll never leave us or forsake us and that the Lord is my helper and I shall not fear and that His strength is made perfect in my weakness and be strong and of good courage and for God so loved the world and I am complete in Him and oh all the many verses that comfort me and I hope comfort you in your time of need. There is so much I want to say to you. Please leave a comment here for me. Pete will have the laptop at the hospital and will be keeping up my blog. So if you want to leave a comment go to the comment line, type your message in the box, type the crazy word you see in the box, then hit anonymous and publish or submit. I would love to hear from you. I really wanted to write some profound things tonight that would be so inspirational and thought-provoking or at least something funny. Some of this is so random it doesn't even make sense. I took out half of it because I was afraid you'd think I'd gone mad, but I love you and I appreciate you and I hope to see you soon.