Anti-depressants and success

I think it may have had something to do with Effexor. I was taking it after my hysterectomy to help with hot flashes and night sweats. I didn't think I was depressed, but just in case I was, I thought this would help. Well, I was mistaken. An anti-depressant is a big deal. It's not like you can take it awhile and just stop. It's mind altering; I think it made me depressed. I sort of think I have been in a fog for awhile now. Thankfully I am no longer taking it and I feel so much better-much clearer and less numb. It's hard to explain. I wanted my children to succeed at everything. When they participated in a sport I would think, "Is this going to be her/his sport? How does his/her ability compare to the others? Will this sport lead us to a scholarship?" Or "when is the next time she can take the test to see if she qualifies for the gifted and talented program?" and when they were smaller it was "where can I get ribbon to make a bow to match that outfit?" or "Is my kid well-liked by the other kids?" My focus was raising "successful" kids-smart, athletic, cute, popular--possibly even in that order. So since these were my goals we focused on school work, sports, fashionable clothing and friends. I looked to report cards to tell me if they were smart. I yearned for the coach to tell me she was a good soccer player. I waited for the festival judge to tell me she was a good pianist. I considered the playdate invitations to determine popularity. Isn't that what we do as parents? Honestly. Isn't this what we ALL do? Why can't we just enjoy watching our kids have fun playing a sport. Why can't we rejoice when we see their skills improving instead of letting a report card or piano festival rating tell us this? Shouldn't the non-stop giggles coming from the back seat of the van be enough to affirm my child is fun to be around? Worrying about all this was enough to make me need an anti-depressant.