It's tough to be a SHM in the summer. There's no routine, no schedule to follow, no rest for the weary. I am ashamed to say that I am frazzled, impatient, irritated and weary. I have been reading a book my mom gave me called Grieving the Loss of Someone you Love and it talks about the stages of grief and today it was about being real and not trying to rush things and taking time to grieve. It says that you have to pay attention to your needs and pay attention to yourself. I think that I have been so busy since dad died, I mean I had to go on with life, and now I'm wondering if I haven't taken the time to really grieve. I know everyone is different, and I know only 4 months have passed, but I feel like I am stuck. I'm stuck in a place I wish I could move past. I wish I could be by myself for a while and look at pictures from the past and think and just cry my eyes out. I have a family. I have a home to run. I can't just take a day off and walk around my house in my pajamas crying and screaming and letting it all out. The last few days though that's almost what I am longing to do. I mean did I ever even take time to process my cancer diagnosis and grieve the loss of part of me? It's good to be busy, but maybe this busy-ness is keeping me in a sort of holding pattern. I have noticed a few things about myself that I am bothered by and I'm confused because I don't know if this could be due to a lack of hormones or if it's part of grief. I find that I cannot concentrate. I can't focus when people are talking- my mind wanders. I cannot sit and watch tv anymore and I hardly ever talk on the phone. Lately I feel like I am just going through the motions and not really living. Does anybody out there relate to this? It's like my mind isn't clear, time is flying by and I have nothing to show for it. There's so much that I want to do, and man do I stay busy, yet I feel like I'm not making "progress." Maybe I'm just in a slump. I'm sure this too will pass. Thanks for listening.....
Matthew 11:28-29
Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
About Me
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- Fern
- I am busy mom of 2 girls, ages 8 and 11, and a 5 year old boy. I am trying to serve the Lord, raise healthy, happy children, and just generally keep it all together! I am happy to report that I am now a breast cancer survivor-TWICE! This is our first year as a homeschooling family!
The Fern5
I love my family!
Allison
This girl is my right hand and my mini-me. I often say she and I are co-parenting Anders. She just turned 11 and is becoming quite a young lady. She has a big heart for the Lord and is very sensitive to serving others. She is looking forward to babysitting one day and thinks she may be a baby doctor. I'm so thankful for her!
Zoey
Zoey is outgoing, athletic, and musical but does not like to be "joked." Her smile makes me melt! She enjoys playing outside with the neighborhood kids and plans to someday be a professional soccer player and a missionary "on the side". She is a blessing!
The Little Man
Don't be fooled by the innocent look behind the bowtie. This guy is a royal mess. He is forever delivering lines that keep up doubled over laughing. Ninety percent of what he tells us is pure lies. Even though he has three moms, we can never find his shoes. Love him!
Me and my knight
Soon to be celebrating 16 yearsof marriage!
Please hurry!
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5 comments:
Mom relates.
Alisa,
My heart hurts for you. I know how you feel. You want to just sit and scream and cry - but you are a mother and that takes priority. I have been doing my crying whenever I can find a minute to myself (usually late at night) or when I'm praying with Olivia at night. She is a sweet comforter. You need to grieve. You don't have to be strong all the time. Let your children see you cry. It's perfectly normal.
Sometimes I wonder how I still have tears left...I've cried so much. My heart is aching -still for my Daddy - 11 years later and now for my Mama - only 8 days ago.
Let it go....and eventually the tears will be less....and the ache will be not so sharp.
I also know about not being able to concentrate. That will get better.
I am praying for you right now.
Love,
Karen
Alisa,
It's probably a combination of everything you have been through AND hormones. You have been hit with tremendous changes in your life and as a wife and Mom you can't take the time or energy to to pamper yourself or probably even get the proper rest you need. It will get better, I promise. You just have to take things one hour at the time and before you know it you will be looking back and thinking that you don't even remember parts of this year. Just keep reminding yourself that God is in control and that he will see you through. It was great to see you and your children and mother-in-love at Micky D's. Maybe we can do that again soon. Oh, our daughter put in a bid on a house the same day that I saw you and they accepted it so now we just have to wait a few weeks and start helping her move. We are praying for you. Take care of yourself, Alisa.
Pam
Please just tell me to shut-up and give you a chance to talk. We walk not only for exersize but to talk and let it all out, so I am here to listen. Let me do that for you. I love ya and going to miss you next week-be careful. c-ya on the 20th.
Love Marylena
Alisa
My heart aches for you. I have tried to be strong this week for my sister and for Cana because I don't want to upset her. But it is so hard to lose someone that you love. Maybe it would be a little easier if you were sure they are in heaven, I don't know. I just feel like I need a good cry. I pray for comfort and healing for you. Just cry when you feel like crying. Your kids will understand. I hope you have a safe trip to your mother's this week.
Love ya,
Pat
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