Who IS that?

You know how you listen to yourself on the answering machine and hardly recognize your voice? I am always amazed when I hear the message on my cell phone too. I think to myself "Do I really sound like that?" I sound so country when I hear it. Well, for me, it's the same way with pictures of myself. I am usually the one behind the camera so luckily I have few pictures of myself to critique. This picture of me and my mom had me asking the Knight "Do I really look like that?"

For whatever reason I've always been insane about pictures of anybody. I will study the background, the hair, the outfit, etc. Marty, my college room mate, is the same way. We both LOVE to get Christmas cards from friends with pictures on them so that we can "study" them. My hair went crazy curly after my hysterectomy (or maybe I was in denial all these years), so I am still getting adjusted to this new hairstyle. But I just don't think this picture looks like me. What do YOU think? Was it just a strange camera angle? Am I just disgusted by the double chin? Am I terribly vain for even posting about this? I am not seeking compliments here people, I just want to know if you think this picture looks like ME? I would print a copy to frame, but I'd always be thinking to myself "Who is that woman with my mom?"

A month with Mom

I am missing my mom terribly. She did such a good job taking care of us as I was recovering from my surgery. She got the kids ready for school without yelling, kept up with all the laundry, cooked bacon and eggs for the Knight every morning, cleaned the house and all the other things that go into running a home. She did a fantastic job and I will forever be grateful. But now that all of us are spoiled rotten, its back to reality. *sigh* Thanks Mom! You are the best!

Moms Christmas present to us was a family trip to Universal Studios in Orlando. We wanted to be busy and do something different this year to help us cope with not having Dad. We decided to do something fun for the kids to end the year with a bang. And that we did! Here are a few pictures to share the fun the had.

The Gate

"God of all our years, we stand at the gate of a new year. Help us to enter this year with YOU. You have given us so many new beginnings and fresh starts. Too often we have found ourselves soon trapped in the same sins-impatience, selfishness, timidity, laziness-to name a few. More than our resolutions, we need the strength of your Holy Spirit living within us. With YOU all things are possible, even a truly new heart for the new year. In the name of your Son who makes all things new. Amen"

I love this prayer I found in a church bulletin and I have thought about it so much. I have said over and over, "I am so glad 2009 is coming to an end." And really I am. I am always happy to have a fresh start even when the year did not hold heartache at every turn as did this past year. But I would be neglecful if I did not say that God has been so good to me this year. Being this close to him has been my privledge and it would not have happened if I had not been brought to my knees time and time again. Time and time again, He was always there to carry me through and to keep me going. I wanted to give up. I wanted to be angry, and at times I was. I thought about going to bed and staying there or just wallowing in my grief and I often felt like spewing my self-pity onto others. But I knew in my heart this was a good thing, this was part of the process. 2009 was a year God was refining me. While my heart was ripping, my confidence was obliterated and my head was spinning, He was there polishing, molding, binding...

So now I stand at the gate of a new year and I have a choice. I feel like slamming the door on 2009 and screaming "Good riddance!" But instead I'll just close it with mixed emotions and say "Thank you Lord for a new year. I will enter in with thanksgiving in my heart. I am hopeful for blessings upon blessings in 2010.I am ready for whatever You need me to do. Keep me close."

Santa Claus is coming to town!

The Little Man is enjoying himself so much these days. Three years old is the perfect age to fully appreciate the excitement of Christmas. When you're three the lights are so much fun to see and it makes riding in the car so much more enjoyable. Three- year- olds truly appreciate all the hard work that goes into decorating your house and lawn. Three- year- olds put a lot of thought into just the right things to ask for from Santa. What other people have or may be getting has no bearing on what they ask for. Three years olds love the idea of the different animals and the baby born in a barn. Three-year olds love to sing at the top of their lungs and make up their own words to those little known carols we sing once a year. Really, CHRISTmas is the most wonderful time of the year, most especially when you are three.

14 years

Happy Anniversary to The Knight. Fourteen years of fun have flown by! I cannot believe how lucky I am to have you! I hope we have many, many more!

Mom took care of things here while we went out for a nice lunch at City Range and some shopping. I went for a check up at the doctor too and everything is healing up nicely Dr. Bishop said. The Little man had his Christmas Program this morning and it was just adorable and so much fun to finally hear all the songs he's been practicing around the house.

I am having a great time having mom here. the Knight loves it too and even commented today that he wouldn't mind if she stayed. Isn't that was the ultimate compliment from a son-in-law? She and I had fun shopping together and she is doing all the cooking. She takes the girls to school for me and I've introduced her to my favorite coffee places. She is just so easy to be with and I am so glad we have this time together. She's been able to see all the Christmas programs at the kids school and at church, she went with us to see Santa and the lights at Roper Mountain Science center. She watched Allison at gymnastics and has met a lot of my friends. She's learning her way around town and loves our church. In the back of my mind I think it would be wonderful if she would move here one day, but I just don't think that would ever happen. She said she will be coming more often and staying longer, so that makes me happy. I know this is where God wants me to be, but I've wished many times over the years that I lived closer to my parents. Now that Dad is gone, I wish I could do more for Mom and have her be more involved in our lives. But she has her own life in Florida and will also be spending more time in Arkansas taking care of her mom.

That's it for now. I have to look on the Internet for a farm for the Little Man!

A year Ago

A year ago today I went for my yearly mammogram. I was preparing for a busy Christmas with three children. As room mom for Allison's class I was trying to come up with a craft to do at her Christmas party. I was hoping to get my shopping done on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 9 and 12 while the little man was in school. Dad had a mysterious cough he couldn't seem to kick. The Knight had just started his new job at St. Jude. The girls were hoping Santa would bring them a cell phone. Life was normal.

Here it is almost one year later and life is not normal. My life has been changed way beyond I could have ever imagined. The only thing that has not changed is God. He is still the same now as He was one year ago. But me, I am totally different. I have learned so much, experienced so much, been under anesthesia so much.

I fear God. I'm not afraid of him;I just respect him and love him SO much. Sometimes I do fear that I haven't truly expressed to Him just how thankful I am for what He has done for me. I don't want to be like the nine leapers that Jesus healed and just go on my way without thanking him. I want to be like the one who did take the time to go back to Him and thank him for giving him his life back. I want to be more thankful than Noah when he realized he and his family had been saved from the flood that destroyed the entire earth. I want to be more thankful than Abraham must have been when he found out Isaac was not to be the sacrifical lamb. I want to more thankful than Sarah when she realized she was pregnant when she was really old. I want to be more thankful than anyone has ever been. He has given me SO much.

I'm thinking about that today.

A year Under Construction

I have not felt at liberty to blog about my reconstruction until now. I am pleased to tell you that my surgery on Novemeber 30th was a success. After 3 days in the hospital, I am happy to be at home recuperating under the watchful care of the Knight and my wonderful MOM! Because I do not know who reads this blog and because I do not want this to be a place for rumors to start, I will not be blogging about the details here. If you would like to call me, I would be happy to tell you all about what I had done.
First and foremost I am praising the Lord that I am on the way back to normal again and looking forward to a new year. I took my time in having this reconstruction because I wanted to be sure God would have the final say and I believe with all my heart, He has given me his blessing. This is a very exciting time as I reflect on how the year has been the worst ever for me, yet I can see that the Lord has done many good things and has many more good things prepared for my future. I have truly been under construction this past year-God has changed my life in many ways and I hope you can say you have been witness to them.

I have forever been transformed.