First Grade here we come!

At times I feel like my heart could burst wide open. Last night was one of those times. Zoey had a program for her Kindergarten class and we were so proud to see her up there singing her little heart out. My little girl has blown through her first year of school and has learned to read, write, add and subtract and a thousand other new things. She skipped out the door everyday ready to see what new adventure the day would bring. We are so amazed by you Zoey girl! We have high expectations for you, but God's plans are even higher!

That's my mom

"If you're wearing those shoes I'm not going." I told her and ran into my room and slammed the door.

"Duck down when we drive by," I told my friend Christina. "I don't want anyone to see us in my mom's ugly car."

"Why can't I go? Everyone else's mom is so much cooler than mine!" I'd scream at her.

Now days it's more like-

"If you're not wearing those shoes, can I wear them?" and "Wow Mom, can I drive? Your car is sweet!" and "Gee Mom. I'm so glad you weren't like other moms."

Many things about me have changed over the years, but my mom has remained the same. She always sacrificed so much for us so that we could have the best of everything. She was always there for us to go on field trips, to bake cupcakes, to help with projects and homework. She forced me to take piano lessons, made angel wings for the church play, kept me in the latest fashions, let me rearrange my furniture, and have friends over to spent the night. She cooked delicious meals every night, made me go to church, put rollers in my hair, and braces on my teeth. She volunteered at school, spanked me around in a circle, met me at the bus stop, drove me to the skating rink, and threw out my Halloween candy. She always liked my boyfriends, never liked my clothes, always liked my friends, never liked my smart mouth. That woman prayed me through the difficult times and big decisions-college, cancer, career, husband, babies, child raising, cancer.

She spoils us terribly and came to stay when each of her grandchildren were born. She loves The Knight more that she loves me I always say and he in turn would leap tall buildings for her. She is so patient with my children, keeps a closet full of toys for them, and rides them around in the golf cart from daylight to dark. She always wants to know what we'd like her to cook for us, and always has a present or two to share. She studies her Bible faithfully and just recently has fully come to understand just how much God loves her. She's always taught in Sunday School and Children's church, VBS and nursery. She visits the sick and those in nursing homes. She donates to every charity and they call her 20 times a day. She loves to look at catalogs and buy us Christmas presents. She's never happy with her hair and cannot tolerate the wind. She loves living on the St. Johns river and going for walks on the beach. She enjoys visiting her family in Arkansas and looks forward to getting together with her mom, her brother and sister and lots of other family over there. She has a serious addiction to peanut butter and ice cream. She loves to play Rummycube with her 96 year old friend Nina.

I'm ashamed of how I treated her. When I first became a teacher I called her and apologized for my smart mouth. I never fully appreciated her until I was a mom myself and she amazes me more and more everyday. Her faith is so strong and she is so very wise. She took good care of our family, taught us right from wrong and loved us very much. Her heart broke in two when she lost the man she grew up with, raised a family with and planned to grow old with. She is amazingly strong, though, and is seeking God's will for what to do next with her life. I am so thankful for you Mom!!! I love you!

Lord, Thank you for giving me a Godly mother and for putting me in a Godly home. Please bless my mom and give her the strength she needs everyday. Help me to be more like her as we both strive to be more like you. Amen

Happy Mother's Day!

Random Thoughts Thursday

Sometimes there are just random things I want to tell you so I'll just post what's on my mind tonight.

I was in shock that Preacher Eddie's sermon last night was on those exact verses from Mark 5 that I wrote about yesterday. His was a great message!

Woody is going to visit Zoey's Kindergarten class tomorrow for Pet Day. She is so excited and I am sort of nervous. What if he breaks loose and runs rampant through the school and knocks the lunch lady down? He had a bath tonight and he smells great. Let's just hope he doesn't drink from the toilet between now and then.

Relay for Life is Friday night at 7pm Easley High School Stadium. I'll be there walking proudly in the "Survivor's Walk". Come join us for a little while.

I love it when you write comments. Please do it more often. My heart leaps when I see "comments to be moderated". I love to moderate your comments. Moderating comments is my hobby. Won't you give me a comment so I can moderate it.

I got your t-shirt orders and hope to have them all by Saturday. I'll get them to you ASAP. Thanks for ordering.

My brother isn't calling me back. Called him last week and he was fishing off Captiva Island. Called him today and he was at TPCSawgrass. What's up with that?

It's okay if you read my blog. Feel free to share it with anyone. Sometimes I see people and they act funny, like they don't want me to know they read it. Yes, I know sometimes it may get too personal and sometimes my grief may be too heavy. The purpose of this blog is #1 to give God glory for what He has done in my life, #2 to help others who may be going through a difficult time, and #3 because writing helps me cope.

Any ideas about what I can do with all the great cards I have gotten? I'd like to make a keepsake book or something.

If you've ever stayed in the nursery with Little Man at church...I love you and thank you. I'm really mean as a snake and I need to hear the sermon.

I'm thinking my next post is going to be about Tim Tebow. Awesome guy.

My muscles are so sore but I LOVE the oncology rehab program. I always knew I'd end up in rehab...

I hope I have some good video footage of dad. One of these days I going to go through it all and see what I've got. If your parents are still living you should make lots of videos. Maybe interview them about their life.

Tina said the ladies' banquet in Canada went well. Big crowd.

So far my kids have tried and don't care for-salad, avocado, asparagus, broccoli, sweet potato, zucchini, cole slaw(LM loves slaw). They prefer mac and cheese. That is a vegetable here in the south, right.

The Knight wants a boat. I feel so sorry for him.

If I could change one thing about what has happened to me-I wouldn't change a thing. (Except of course Dad would be alive and well.) God has made this trial a blessing. You guys have been a blessing.

Well, that's all I've got. Got any random thoughts to share?

You could say I'm bragging

God is great! Do you know that? I was looking in my Bible for something else and got stopped on Mark chapter 5 because the word "swine" caught my eye. Then I read verse 19 where Jesus heals the wild man possessed by demons, sends the demons to possess the swine and then tells him to "Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee." Do you think his friends thought he was bragging? I wonder if they got tired of hearing about it? Don't you bet they'd see him coming and be like "Oh shoot. Here comes "Wild Bill" and he's gonna tell us for the one millionth time about how he met that man Jesus." And one would say, "Everybody already knows that he was crazy and possessed and that for years nobody could even go near him." And the other guys would say, "Yeah, I remember passing out that way when I was a kid and seeing him out there by the tombs screaming and crying and cutting himself all to pieces. Creeped me out." And the first guy would say,"Now he's just a regular dude. Annoying as heck, though, always bragging about what great things the Lord has done. Old news. Can't he just talk about regular stuff?"
I just had to laugh as I imagined what they may have said about him. The devil's been on me lately about this very same thing. He says,"People are sick of hearing you brag. Can't you just talk about other stuff. Do you think you are special or something?"
Well, I am ready to respond to that...Yes, I am special. I prayed to be something special. The Lord has done a miracle in my life. He has given me life when I could have gotten death. I could have gotten months and months of treatments and side effects and weakness and depression. Instead I am feeling great and getting back to normal after only 3 months. God has a reason for all of this. I want to be smack dab in the middle of his will here. I can't just accept the miracle quietly and fade back into my street clothes. I gotta put on my walking shoes and walk it. I gotta get out my megaphone and tell it. I am bragging as loud as I can shout that God did this. God is the one who gets the glory. God has the power to do some pretty powerful stuff. He's just looking for a few good people willing to be used and even though I had only a sad resume and a pitiful list of references, He chose me. Not too many applied for this valley. He chose this valley, He chose me to walk it and then He carried me through it every step of the way. So sorry if I annoy you, but please step back. I've got work to do. We'd be happy for you to join us.

Don't make me cry

So I cried at the gym today. The girl that works with me, she's a personal trainer I guess, was chatting away while I was on the leg press machine. She asked me a question and I just started crying. All morning I had been thinking about Dad and how much I miss him and how I can't believe he's been gone two months already. She was simply asking me what I was going to do to continue my fitness routine when this program was over and I cried. Then when I was walking on the track I cried some more. I have so much grief that sometimes I can't focus on who or what I'm grieving for. Does that make sense? I feel so overwhelmed with sadness and LOSS. Really I wonder who I am.

For one thing, I sort of feel like I've lost some of my confidence. I always had that feeling that dad "had my back". You know, like if I messed up something or if I needed something or if I was going to try something new , he was going to be there to give me advice, reassure me, encourage me, bail me out of jail. I know I have the Knight, and he really is all that I need him to be. But he's not Dad. Without him, I've lost a certain comfort/confidence from my life.

I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. That's not my body. What did I used to look like? This lack of hormones leaves me struggling to remember what I used to feel like. What is "normal" for me anymore? Am I feeling like this because of losing dad, or the mastectomy or the hysterectomy or just the stress of a busy life with 3 kids? What do I need? Medication, counseling, a vacation?

I really don't know what to do. I'll just do the only thing I know to do and turn to the only one who really knows how to help.

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord, I can't do this on my own. I need you to fill up these empty spaces. Tell me again how YOU complete me. Tell me again how much you LOVE me. Be near me, stay close, restore me, dry my tears, carry me, strengthen me. And please tell my dad I miss him. Amen

Gettin' hot

I'm sure you've noticed how my clothes are hanging off me. I bet you think I have an eating disorder. Before the rumors start to fly, I'll tell you. I have lost 2 pounds! Calm down, I'm pacing myself. Remember I'm trying to make better food choices. Not diet. I'm trying to change my lifestyle. Not diet. I'm trying to be more acive. Not diet. I'm trying to keep it real. Not diet. I am going in a positive direction and progress is being made. Most of all I am enjoying myself, not feeling deprived and feeling better over all. This is gonna be a piece of cake. Er, I mean broccoli.

Old Friends

When I was eighteen I decided I wanted to be a nurse. I LOVED volunteering at the hospital when I was in high school, so, being the rational thinker that I was, I figured nursing would be just like being a candy striper, right? So then I went on to make another rational decision. I chose Clemson University because it was far enough away so that I wouldn't have to go home for church every Sunday, but close enough in case I needed to go home for anything, like money. Also, I was totally impressed by all the orange tiger paws I saw all over town. Yes, every decision I make is still, to this day, based on this same kind of rationale. Since I didn't know anyone else going to Clemson, I chose to go "potluck" on a room mate. Soon I was corresponding with the lucky girl who had been randomly assigned to me. We wrote about what colors we'd use to decorate our room, what stuff we were bringing(she was bringing a fridge), and many other important details of starting college and life away from home. It's kind of scary to leave the comforts of home, get matched with someone you know nothing about and have to live with them in a 12x12 room for who knows how long. I mean, what do you do if that person refuses to bathe or has some disgusting habit? Well, it turned out to be a wonderful match. We ended up getting along great and she didn't have any disgusting habits-at least any that were different than my own. She was messy, just like ME. She too loved chocolate chip cookie dough, she introduced me to all her cool Tiger Band friends, I loaned her my clothes, she balanced my checkbook, I made her laugh. We played pranks on our neighbors, we ate all our meals together, we road tripped to each others houses, and we made lots of friends,even these twin body builders. She always supported me- when I changed my major from nursing(too much science) to marketing, she supported me. When I changed my major from marketing(too much math) to education, she supported me. We had some great times in that tiny dorm room: ordering late night pizzas, complaining about dirty laundry, telling stories from our past, sharing our secrets, dreaming about the future and just growing up together really. We ended up rooming together for 3 years until we parted ways. Over the last 22 years we have managed to keep in touch off and on. She is now married with 3 active boys and a successful career. I'll never forget the day she called to tell me her brother had gotten killed in a train accident. I'll never forget the way she cried when I told her my dad died. Even though we don't get to talk as often as we'd like, and even though we rarely get together, and even though we live hours apart, we will always be friends. You could just call it "pot luck".