I'm just a weirdo

You know how I told you my dad was always giving advice. Well, I was not so much into taking his advice as a teenager since I was more the rebellious type and usually wanted to do just the opposite of what Pop recommended. Of course in hind-sight I can see that he was a very wise man and really did have a strong sense of discernment which was very helpful to his church and his company.


For some reason I have had one piece of his advice on my mind for several days. He would always say "Never back up, when you can go forward." This was in reference to driving, particularly in parking spaces. (Of course he thought he was the best of drivers.) But I have been thinking about it a lot as to how it relates to my life. A cancer diagnosis changes your life I tell you. And "dodging that bullet" twice in your life makes you just a weirdo I've just about decided. I'm sure I won't be able to put into words what I mean by this exactly, but I'm just not the same anymore. Facing death makes you re-evaluate your life. When I was diagnosed the first time, my life was just about a mess. I had identity issues, I was out of God's will, I was living for myself with little regard for anyone else and truthfully going downhill fast. Thankfully, I was able to make my way back to God and make a lot of positive changes. The Knight entered shortly thereafter and help me grow and change tremendously.

The second diagnosis has me really searching for my purpose. I was given another chance for a reason. Was I doing something for God that He wants me to continue? Is there something new He wants me to do for him now? I am trying to refocus. I feel too scatterbrained sometimes to even think I could be useable. I have doubt and insecurity. I sometimes think "why am I worthy of this third chance?" But I am praying that He will put me smack-dab in the center of his will. I ask myself constantly "Is this pleasing to God?" and "Am I going forward in my service to him or am I backing up?" and "When I stand in His almighty presence one day will I be ashamed of how I spent my time?" I want my life to be about serving Him more and me less. I want to forget about things that are just not important. I want to stay so close to Him, I want to know Him more, I want to make Him proud. I owe everything to Him. He has given me life-more time here on earth to enjoy my family and to serve Him, and then eternal life with Him in Heaven one day. He deserves my very best. I wish I could know exactly what that is. But for now, I am just trying to make sure "I never back up, when I can go forward."

Hebrews 12:1b--let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.

Zoey's Big announcement

June 2009 002
Originally uploaded by Fernstrom

Vacation Bible School week is over and we are excited to report that Zoey prayed to receive Christ on Friday night. She has been asking a lot of questions about getting saved and we told her she would when she was ready. We are just praising the Lord for this because after all the only thing you can take with you to Heaven is your children.

The Little Man of little words

At the sandbox earlier today----

The Little Man was thoroughly enjoying throwing sand all around.

So Mommy said "Hey, don't throw sand. It gets in people's eyes and it hurts. Mommy doesn't want sand in her eyes and Allie doesn't want sand in her eyes and..." blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...
The Little Man said, "Go inside."

Tough Guy or big sissy?

The preacher says to teach your son to be tough; not some big sissy.

We're trying the best we can but with two big sisters......hmmmmm. What do you think?

Cast your vote today!

I scream, you scream

Vacation Bible School week is in full swing and things have been pretty busy. This is my last week at the Life Center as my 10 weeks of oncology rehab are coming to an end. It was fun and I really enjoyed it, but now that school is out it's just not very convenient. I met some great people, built some muscle, increased my stamina, and learned a few things. I can make it all day now without collapsing on the couch (which was what I was doing before this class started in April) so that in itself is great progress. I can walk 2 miles in 30 minutes and I now realize that macaroni and cheese is not really a vegetable. *Sigh*

It's been so hot here I had to take two showers today. As I was getting out of the shower I heard Allison screaming. So I screamed, "Why are you screaming?" She replies in her exasperated, exaggerated drama queen style, "Anders is hitting Woody with a stick, Zoey is running around naked, Woody is biting Anders and Anders is biting me."

So how's your summer going?

A Happy Farthers Day!

To my Knight in Shining Armor-

Happy Father's day to the best father I know! There are SO many things that I love about you and that make you a great dad. The number one reason God has blessed this little family is summed up by your favorite t-shirt------

We love you so much!!!

Mango made me miss him

Greetings from down under! I have missed writing this week, but I didn't want to invite you to my pity party. I thought last week was rough, what with a visit to the ER and then a colonoscopy, but this week has really been the pits. I knew this year Father's day would be hard, but I really didn't know it would be like this. You know, because dad lived in Florida and I didn't get to see him that often anyway, it's kind of like I could just put it out of my mind at times that he is gone. Unlike Mom and Mike, I don't have to deal with it everyday. But this week everywhere I looked, everything on tv and the radio has all been about fathers. Tuesday as I was rushing around trying to get a present in the mail for my dear father-in-law, it just hurt so bad that I didn't need to run into Belk and pick up a new golf shirt for Pop. That's what sent me into a downward spiral. One night this week my heart ached so bad I couldn't sleep. This is the first time I have ever had this feeling, experienced this kind of hurt. It's pretty selfish I guess. I'm not crying for him, I'm crying for me. I miss him so much. I'd love to tell him one more time what a good daddy he was, how much I appreciated all that he did for me. I wish I could pick up the phone and hear him say "Hey Shug" or see the kids sitting on his lap. Even the little things this week have reminded me of dad. The mango flavored italian ice made me think of him because he ate mango sherbert after supper most nights. One of the men from my oncology rehab is in the gasoline business and talking to him this week made me feel sad. He even had lung cancer. I could go on, but I'll stop. Bottom line is-I miss my dad terribly. I'm on the upswing now. Party's over. I'm Just trying not to think about it and staying busy.
I've been thinking a lot about a verse my middle school class has memorized-Isaiah 41:10- Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee, yea, I will help thee, yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. I just keep thinking about God upholding me and I feel stronger.
If you've still got your dad, be thankful.